Taking care
Hello mamas. Is taking care of you as hard as taking care of me? :o) I swear. It's the never ending work! To push back at EVERYTHING else, to carve out a little time, to resist the easy treat and choose the better path of fitness, to turn off the little engine that could and say NO! TIME FOR BED!
I loved these words from the post I shared the other day: "To practice physical self-care doesn't mean you are feeling sorry for yourself; rather it means you are allowing yourself to have courage to pay attention to your special needs. For it is in physically nurturing yourself that you can eventually allow yourself the time and loving attention you need to journey through your grief to discover a fullness of living and loving again."
I believe! I deserve the fullness. I love my life, mostly! I accept my special needs, LOL!
Since the holidays I haven't really found my healthiest groove. My office has been trying to recover from a lean time and I've been writing proposals until my fingers are weary of the keyboard. I have resisted lots of social opportunities because I can't go out and EAT and DRINK and feel ok the next day. In fact I'm starting a new month of sugar-free choices on Monday. Just don't do moderation very well...... : ) so none is much easier than some.
Where's Andy in all of this? I think of him every day. I explain patiently to people who didn't know he died, or can't believe it's been almost 3 years, or who never met him and want to know more about me that I had a son but he died....... and y'know mostly people are very tender and lovely. Once in a great while I do encounter a weird stiff reaction or someone who just changes the subject. THeir loss, I'm positive. I think that knowing love and loss are sacred human experiences and I would never want my heart to be shut down like theirs.
Tomorrow Byron and Caitlin and C's brother Mikey and Andy's old friend Briony are coming to watch the super bowl with us. We don't give a fig who wins. (Well, I don't.) We just like being together. I'm making a big lentil and mushroom shepherds pie -- vegan. Andy would have loved it.
Peace out. Lots and lots of love.
xoxoxoxo : }
(what happened to all the fonts and stuff? I miss them. this looks small, no?)
I loved these words from the post I shared the other day: "To practice physical self-care doesn't mean you are feeling sorry for yourself; rather it means you are allowing yourself to have courage to pay attention to your special needs. For it is in physically nurturing yourself that you can eventually allow yourself the time and loving attention you need to journey through your grief to discover a fullness of living and loving again."
I believe! I deserve the fullness. I love my life, mostly! I accept my special needs, LOL!
Since the holidays I haven't really found my healthiest groove. My office has been trying to recover from a lean time and I've been writing proposals until my fingers are weary of the keyboard. I have resisted lots of social opportunities because I can't go out and EAT and DRINK and feel ok the next day. In fact I'm starting a new month of sugar-free choices on Monday. Just don't do moderation very well...... : ) so none is much easier than some.
Where's Andy in all of this? I think of him every day. I explain patiently to people who didn't know he died, or can't believe it's been almost 3 years, or who never met him and want to know more about me that I had a son but he died....... and y'know mostly people are very tender and lovely. Once in a great while I do encounter a weird stiff reaction or someone who just changes the subject. THeir loss, I'm positive. I think that knowing love and loss are sacred human experiences and I would never want my heart to be shut down like theirs.
Tomorrow Byron and Caitlin and C's brother Mikey and Andy's old friend Briony are coming to watch the super bowl with us. We don't give a fig who wins. (Well, I don't.) We just like being together. I'm making a big lentil and mushroom shepherds pie -- vegan. Andy would have loved it.
Peace out. Lots and lots of love.
xoxoxoxo : }
(what happened to all the fonts and stuff? I miss them. this looks small, no?)
Replies
Yes, we are all special needs women and moms! I love seeing it described in that way, Sarah.
Not sure why we continue to push and say, \"Yes,\" when so often a \"Not today or ever\" response may be moe accurate... :)
One thing that I do now for sure about myself is that my reserves are depleted quickly and most often when I\'m engaging with others. I can keep going if it\'s a putter, solo day kind of moment yet when I\'m in other\'s energy mine drains quickly. Yesterday, I did a rehearsal for a wedding I\'m officiating and I was amazed at how wiped out I felt when I came home. I put on my jammy pants and just chilled the rest of the afternoon. Honoring that I\'d spent my reserves is never easy to do as I look around and think of all those things \"I should\" be involved in. A work in progress for me for sure...
Have a loving time enjoying one another and yes, Andy would have been right into that shepherd\'s pie and time shared with each of you. That is what I long for and miss as well. I always look around at wherever I am and think of how much I wish Doug were experiencing these shared moments too in a way that I can SEE and recognize.
Here\'s to the path and honoring our needs even if we aren\'t sure what they might BE? Asking the questions and then pausing long enough to hear the answers. Aw, a work in progress indeed and think I might be in the special ed class with this one. :)
Much love dear Sarah and always I appreciate your musings as they strike a heart chord within me each and every time.
(Not sure about the fonts and this seems to be the \"new normal\" on DS? Really need my glasses to read now.)
With love and gratitude,
XO Joanie
Yesterday I slowed down and took care of ME! YAY! I put my body/mind/soul where my mouth is and pampered myself with one of the most amazing 2 hour massages I\'ve ever had!
On the wall of the salon was a plaque that read, parapharsed:
HUMAN TOUCH WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A LUXURY. PHYSICAL TOUCH IS AS MUCH A NECESSITY AS FOOD AND SHELTER. WHEN WE ALLOW OUR BODIES TO BE TOUCHED, WE ARE BOTH RECEIVING HEALING ENERGY AND ARE GIVING HEALING ENERGY TO THE ONE TOUCHING US.
I so agree with this truth.....that\'s why those awesome bear hugs our husbands and sons give us feel so good. That\'s why those soft caresses by our girlfriends when they take our hands in theirs touch us to our very souls. Touch; it\'s a powerful healing energy.
Like you sweet Sarah, I BELIEVE! I DESERVE THE FULLNESS! I LOVE MY LIFE...MOSTLY! AND I ACCEPT MY SPECIAL NEEDS!
I also LOVE how you always include Andy!! So I ask myself, and answer, \"where is Kala in all of this?\".......standing tall in the joy and pride that her momma is taking care of herself and others to the best of her ability. I find opportunities constantly to share Kala with the world. Not as the \"mission of madness\" I felt in the beginning....but rather now, more of a gentle flow, second nature, sort of inclusion of my child into my daily life. I no longer feel the need to \"beat everyone over the head with my child\"....that was a tough job! I like that I\'m more relaxed now....more comfortable with the natural flow of conversation and less focused on making sure the world know her. The world does know her, spiritually. She is forever a part of this world because she had a human experience in this world. Hope that makes sense??
Tonight a quiet night of football....is that possible!!??....with just me and my husband. Doubt we\'ll make it til the end of the game, but we\'ll try. Like you I don\'t care who wins....truth be told, I don\'t even know who\'s playing!!! Tonight is not about the game for me....it\'s about wrapping myself up in Kala\'s quilt, welcoming Maui to settle into it on my lap, and feeling my husbands strong arm around me while sit side by side in harmony and love.
(I have no idea what\'s up with the font situation....I can\'t insert photo\'s on my journals either. I sent a message to TEAM DS, but I know how overwhelmed they get with messages when there\'s a blip of some sort. I\'m sure they\'re working on it....hopefully.)
PEACE OUT! and PEACE IN!
Thankyou Sarah, and our friends for your great comments too. I always appreciate you all. LOve, Kriss
Yes, I know how hard it is to take care of myself. Appearently, I am a high maintence woman!!!
Sometimes, I feel such guilt when looking around at all of the things needing doing. Right now I am trying to make myself sit at my desk and deduct receipts and pay bills. I have been trying to do that for a week.
Right now I am on a new diet plan, that requires computer time, to track my food. Once I log on, I am gone!!! Straight to DS and then face book. Anything to take my mind off of depressing thoughts, that are with me constantly.
I always enjoy your journal and love reading others thoughts in the comments. FMO ROCKS!!
Don\'t get me started on trying to upload pictures to this site!! My potty mouth will start cussing, like the old redneck I guess I am, lol...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
Thanks Sarah, for the reminder to remember it\'s ok to nurture ourselves-to pay attention to what our body is telling us. Lately, my body\'s been telling me that sugary, chocolatey things are needed...I have been complying! I\'m craving sweet things to counter the bitter feelings I seem to \" be\" developing toward my soon to be \"ex.\"
Enjoy that delicious and healthy sounding dish! Your family hopefully appreciates your good cooking! You and Andy. Rock On! Love, Donna
Hi Sarah, I find it hard to take care of me too. I know I should and that Ed will be pleased when I do but its hard to find the time at the end of the day. But it is something to strive for..as my son used to say, \"Baby steps, mom, baby steps.\" Enjoy your super bowl and your veggie dish sounds wonderful. Love to you and Andy, Linda
We must take care of ourselves - our children want us to take care of their moms. May I suggest a book: The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson. Simple ideas but yet sometimes so hard to do. Love, Sue
Great entry. I think as wife and mothers we are used to putting ourselves second and even third and fourth. When we learn to take care of ourselves we can do so much more. I congratulate your determination to get more fit. Enjoy the game with family and friends. Much love Robin
What a thoughtful entry! We do need to take care of ourselves first - something I struggle with. I feel guilty if I go for a pedicure - but I do it from time to time and I feel good afterwards. But if we don\'t look after #1, we have no resources to help others.
I can relate to your comment about other people\'s responses when they learn that we have lost a child. I have told most of the people in our little group on the tour about Lisa - if they asked if I had children. They have been great. Very understanding and what is more important, they don\'t get uneasy when I talk about her. I did tear up a couple of times but that was okay with them too. I have had the opposite responses too.
Carry on taking care of you!
Love and hugs, Marlene
I\'m finding it easier to have \"me days\" now that I\'m retired. Take care of yourself, Love Terry
Sarah, I\'m so grateful to you today as I read your journal. The past few days, I have felt a wave of grief hitting me and your words are so true. It\'s been five years since Michael passed and I am always so grateful for those who listen as I speak of him. You offer hope and understanding for better days ahead. love and peace, Roselle
Thank you for reminding us the need to keep physically nurturing ourselves as we journey through our grief so we may discover a fullness of living and loving again.
and lots and lots of love to you always....