Taking a trip
I realize, I have wrote some pretty heavy stuff here in my journal lately. I have been really down. I have felt hurt, rejected, alone and I have had some real issues with my wife lately. I have decided to take a long motorcycle trip to unwind and also to maybe help someone else too. I want to do this for a number of reasons but, I need time to let my mind settle down and I have a desire in my heart that I feel I must do. Some may call it crazy, some may not understand and, that's ok too.
I am not suicidal. I am not dangerous to anyone, or at least I don't see myself as being that way. I haven't had a vacation since 1985. I have always put others first. Now, I feel I need to do something for me. I need to prove to myself that I have worth, that I can still touch others, still be the real me.
Many have expressed their concerns for me. I thank all of you for that. I have lost so many friends the past 3 years. I have done so many funerals, I can't count them the past 3 years. I have spent so many nights in hospital rooms, ICU, ER and I have sat with families and watched their loved one, take their last breath. I have been with families when life supports have been removed, etc.
All these things take their toll on our emotions. These memories are filed in a folder in our memory and they began to weigh us down at times. I am almost on overload. I have not missed a Sunday in my Pulpit for 4-1/2 years.
I just need to unwind. I need to see beauty on a different level. I need to allow some space between me and these stressors. Due to the issues at home and in my family, they need a break from me. Not out of animosity on my part but, they need to re-evaluate what merit I have or what place I occupy in this family. Will this help? I don't know if it will help them or not but, I feel it will definitely help me. I need to do this before the weather gets bad or the roads become dangerous to travel. If I wait any longer, I can't do it this year.
Again, thanks for your concerns for me but, now hopefully you can understand why I posted, a month or so ago, that I was taking a break from DS and this is an extension of that break.
I am not suicidal. I am not dangerous to anyone, or at least I don't see myself as being that way. I haven't had a vacation since 1985. I have always put others first. Now, I feel I need to do something for me. I need to prove to myself that I have worth, that I can still touch others, still be the real me.
Many have expressed their concerns for me. I thank all of you for that. I have lost so many friends the past 3 years. I have done so many funerals, I can't count them the past 3 years. I have spent so many nights in hospital rooms, ICU, ER and I have sat with families and watched their loved one, take their last breath. I have been with families when life supports have been removed, etc.
All these things take their toll on our emotions. These memories are filed in a folder in our memory and they began to weigh us down at times. I am almost on overload. I have not missed a Sunday in my Pulpit for 4-1/2 years.
I just need to unwind. I need to see beauty on a different level. I need to allow some space between me and these stressors. Due to the issues at home and in my family, they need a break from me. Not out of animosity on my part but, they need to re-evaluate what merit I have or what place I occupy in this family. Will this help? I don't know if it will help them or not but, I feel it will definitely help me. I need to do this before the weather gets bad or the roads become dangerous to travel. If I wait any longer, I can't do it this year.
Again, thanks for your concerns for me but, now hopefully you can understand why I posted, a month or so ago, that I was taking a break from DS and this is an extension of that break.
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