Taking a deep breath........

Okay - what the f?  I hate swearing.  And I don't.  Even writing "f" is very brazen of me.  I really hate foul language  It's always bothered me - even our former soccer goalie was aware that I didn't like it.  I was always teasing him in a fun way until he got the hint.  Hee- hee.  Unfortunately, I have been exposed to it more this past year that I care to because of T.  Right now I almost want to scream some obscenities out of our back dining room window!  That is where T made his exit sometime over the night - I'm guessing. This morning husband and I slept in until 8am and didn't notice he was gone until I let the cats out of the basement (they sleep down there overnight).  So I'm sitting in the kitchen and I hear some strange and scary cat calls.  Where are they coming from?  What the heck is going on?  So I finally figure out where - only to find our indoor cats staring up at me from the open window.  I guess the dog next door bark scared them.  Fortunately, I didn't have to chase them - they were so scared they jumped back into the house on their own.  So......what the f?  I can't call him because he doesn't have his phone - not that he'd answer it.  He did call last night from a friend's phone once all day to tell me where he was.  He also called at midnight (the new curfew my husband's allowed) to ask if he could stay out a half hour longer.  I told him no and he came right home without an argument.  He was acting a little surly and it did seem like he was on something.  His body seemed "stiff" - like he was angry.  I mentioned it to him and he said he's mad because I have his phone.  When I asked him about the homework he said he had to do this weekend - he did get mad and said he didn't want to talk about homework at that time.  I know it was a strange thing to bring up but I was trying to engage him - to figure out if he was on something or not.  I really think he was.  Saw some underlying talk on-line with his ex gf - who claims to love him but she said she can't be with him because of the choices he's been making.  She apologized for "saying too much" on-line because she knows that it's monitored.  I think that that was her way of telling us.  It bothers me that the drug screens show clean results.  He is smart about how he uses.  Too smart - about how not to get caught.  Unfortunately, it's a matter of time.  If this continues and he gets caught by the police - he's off to jail for 18 months.  I am hoping to reel him in before that and get him help again! But I am not going go into a tailspin and get myself all worked up about things I have no control over.  I think I will call his caseworker and ask him for his advice.  His other counselor is really ineffective or should I say proactive?  I am close to calling T's PO - and as hard as it is...I know I must.  He was talking anyway about all of us meeting within the next two weeks.  It could be sooner after I get off of the phone with him..... On the other side of the coin - life goes on and today our soccer team is playing a pick up game with our other town team.  Looking forward to that!  Oh -- one more thing......my next journal entry - I want to elaborate on the story of the doctor I  talked to outside the coffee shop.  I cannot get it out of my head......