Takeing a Deep Breath

It has been a hard couple of weeks the closest Person I have ever had to a real father figure had a heart attack, He was inthe hospistal for over three week and had t have a Quad bypass. I can only imagine how much harder it was on my sister (she is not blood related but is more of a sister than any of my siblings) She called me in tears when they found out it was a heart attack they thought it was the flue, I rushed to her the thought of her being all alone through that was unbearable  stayed with her for about a week and a half I feel so bad that i couldent stay longer but  I couldent afford to and my husband was wanting me home.

So in short, I am now struggleing with feeling like an awfule person again seems it dosent matter what I do I Dissapoint someone .. I hate being a dissapointment. My thoughts begin to swirl vilontly in my head.. negative thoughts I try depratly to shake them I hated leaving her there alone luckly it was only for a few days but I know she was scared.

I am sorry, I am bounceing between subjects My thoughts are just so jumbled today and well I guess I didnt get to express my own fear someone needs to be strong  for her  and I take that possition, I will always take that possition for her I feel so strong but so pathetic and week at the same time... sorry for this long journal  writing helps me.

perhaps I will go work on some of my short stories- Thank you