Take out taking me out!

Well, I haven't written online in a little while and figured waking up like I have today - it might do me some good!!! I've woken up with the same feeling of yesterday, that a massive hunk of chocolate will solve all my problems... which is having a really flat mood for the main thing.I just love how it feels to sit in bed with a massive chocolate bar and a cup of tea in private. To stuff my face when no one is watching, I'm not caring and I get that wonderful sugar rush and my taste buds love it also.I don't care at the time that I'm getting fatter, or getting cellulite or any of those things because theyd on't matter.If I could live every day eating a chocolate bar, that would be great! I'd be so happy because I could be a little pig and feel satisfied. I don't enjoye eating normal foods. I try to cook, I try to never buy take away, I try to eat veggies and fruit blah blah blah, they never compare. That's why I find it so damned hard. I've got to lose some weight to fit into my wedding dress and I'm surely not to kind of person to do weight watchers and count count count! I'm so busy that I need something on the go. . but it's got to the point again where as soon as I wake up I want that chocolate! Not just towards the end of the day.I can't live like this and not expect to get sick I am realising but still.. how do I escape it, how do I continue to deny myself this style of eating or punishing myself in a way, without getting to a point where I'm totally miserable having denied myself so much! As it is i'm finding life tricky. I don't have any good friends. I have a partner who I'm going to marry but we have strains on our relationship as it is, especially with my mood swings as of late. My internal state is calling out for chocolate galore. SO what am i doing? I'm sittig here with a cup of tea and writing this out so that I dont do it.I also want to get back into exercise but I'm just in such a rut with it all.Working 6 shifts a week really can put a jolt in the system.