Sweating the small stuff...revisited.

Ahhh, tuesday.
For anyone who dares pay close attention, Tuesday is usually my worst day of the week. Tired, bitchy, etc.

I guess I had to talk about my wakingnessments. I slept better last night than I have for a few weeks...
...which still ain't that great, but at least today I feel, well, typical.

thanks for those comments.

You have heard about "sweating the small stuff". You hear it all the time. I say that I don't sweat the small stuff. But I guess a lot of that depends on what you call small.
As of late, a lot of small things have been accumulating on the back burner. Uh, oh. My wife sweats the small stuff and I use that to keep my perspective, but this also creates conflict as she believes that I don't care about anything. Well, sure, that's what it looks like.

But I notice that the small stuff I fret over is all self-invovlved. Lack of sleep, my moods, my short-term memory, My needs for affection and self-approval. I understand that we all need affection. That's not what I mean. I want affection MY way. I can't always get what I want so I nit-pick about it, and you get to suffer through it when you read my blog.
lack of sleep...sometimes it gets the best of me. But truth be told, I still function. I still carry on. worrying about it makes it worse as I go to bed dreading the idea about what time I will awaken. This must stop because it sets the table for disappointment and all that other crap I forget how to describe.

Moods...I control them the best I can. My wife makes a big stink about it. It does affect my family. It's my apporach that messes me up. When I am in a bad mood I need to communicate that. This way I can get away if I need to. I ususally say I am okay, believeing that I can power through my emoptions, and when I do that I always lose. If take a different approach, I might so better. everyone has bad mood days. I just worry too much about them, even on better days, thinking, when am I gonna snap? I always wait too long before I put my controls into action, meaning trying to power through my emotions, and by that time it's far too late.

My short-term memory isn't as bad as I make it. It's just one small incident that can set me over. call it codependence, but I let my wife down and she gets upset and I beat myself up. It used to be impossible to try to compete with my wife's brain, which was a well-oiled machine, she never forgot anything, but now as she is aging, signs are starting to show that she is human after all. It's not severe to the point where I need be concerned, but now we all know it's there, and we do forgive each other. I haven't injured anyone yet.

Affection...my wife got a flu shot Sunday and her arm is still sore, and many times last night I managed to agitate the injection site by giving her a gentle side hug or a squeeze on the arm. Boy, did I feel bad about that. It was a constant reminder to me that she avoids affection at all costs, seh gets a lot of it from me & the kids (to the point that she calls "touch overload") and she doesn't need it. Do happy couples survive without affection? I suppose i can get it from the dog, or the kids, or from you folks who are daring. I realize (but have not fully accepted yet, this is important) that I probably have a problem where I cannot get enough affection, and this is MY problem and not hers. This is a topic for another time.

Damn, I must be okay today, I can think good thoughts. What's up with that. Still do not feel joy. But again, another topic, another time. I really hope I can get to these soon.

Ciao.