Surviving Mother\'s Day

I don't know how I am going to make it through this weekend.  I see Mother's Day cards, balloons, etc. everywhere I go - it is impossible to avoid them.  I had a nightmare last night, in it my mom was alive and when I wokeup I had to tell myself that she was gone.  I wonder if she is still watching over me or is gone.  I still look for signs but haven't seen any lately.  It's strange but I think about her more than when she was alive.  I don't know if I will survive, my health is taking a toll from the constant stress, first when she was sick and now that she's gone.  I also have to deal with other matters like mailing in her insurance policy and I have a claim that I sent in at the last minute for a bus that grazed me in December '07.  I don't want to go to Kaiser because they'll just charge me a couple hundred dollars and won't really do anything to help me.  I lost confidence in them when they didn't help my mom.  I'm eating a bunch of junk food again.  I don't seem to care anymore about my health much anymore, it seems like whats the point?  I'm alone so there's no one who will miss me.  I hope things get better at some point.