surprise surprise

surprise surprise i put myself in the way of danger once again. I am so exhausted i have been assulted so many time since i was a baby not kidding at all that i am wondering of my purpose in life. Wondering if that is all i am good for. I have not found but three decent men in my life and they are not one that i can share my life with romantically. This time was the worst i cant believe how animalistic people can be. i feeel like scrap paper that has been ripped and torn. And i hate the judicial system cause they never do anything about it. they just have you go into some dressing room strip off your close practically rape you again then apologize for causing you uncomfort. then put you through a long trail which in the end give you no result at all you have just put yourself through hell again. then on top of that everyone gives you bull when you dont want to report the next time something requiring the law happens and you dont report. like it your responsibility to report this it will happen to someone elsee. but then it not your fault but it you responsibilty. okay i am a bit bitter. i have been pregnant by my father by my rapist' and now what what do i do about this situation now. sometimes i just wish i could end it all just vanish not soul no nothing just vanish and not exist in the least degree.but then i think of my best friend i cant and ddont wanna ever leave so i just suffer because i know the times i am with my friend are worth more than the pain of inexixstance.