Super Bowl Sunday

I'm in the middle of watching the Super Bowl. It's halftime and Geo's Giants are down by 1 point. I hope that they can come back in the next half and win it. They were doing so good in the beginning, but right at the end of the half they let the Patriots score a touchdown. It's fun watching football with Geo right now since he's not angry. It's been a pretty good game so far. Right now it's the halftime show with highlights and Madonna, so I don't care about them. I decided to try and do my journal now instead of waiting until the Super Bowl was over. I want to try and go to sleep by 10pm tonight so I can wake up in the morning at a decent time.
I want to go and see the good doctor tomorrow if they let me walk in to see him. I'm willing to pay the money I need to see him. I need someone who's going to listen to me and my problems with the medications I'm on. I'm still getting akathesia, so that means that the drugs I'm on are dangerous. My other doctor said that there was nothing wrong and just gave me some anti-Parkinson's drug to keep the shaking at bay. I don't want it to be held at bay, I want it to be gone. I know that if you don't get it treated right away, then it can become permanent. I don't want to risk that, so I need to get off these medications, whichever one of them it is. I have a feeling it's the Risperdal, but I'm not sure. It could be the Depakote, but I don't know. Hopefully Dr. Miller will know better than I and get me on the right medication. I just know I can't stand to have this permanently. I know I can follow up with the bad doctor once I get Dr. Miller to get all my medicines worked out. But I have to go in the afternoon, and I want to be there about noon so I can go in and volunteer as well.
I want to get back to my normal life ASAP. I want to know that the depression is gone by now. It normally does. By my birthday I'm normally getting better, so I hope that this year is the same. I normally get fired in February, but then I get better fast. I do what I can to find a job, and in previous years I have been hired in August. That was my routine up until I got disability. Although I did have one job for 3 years, but that's the only job I've had out of college that lasted longer than a few months. That's why I want to make sure the depression is gone so I can get that job at the clinic. I sure hope that they haven't hired anyone in my absence. I've been gone for 3 weeks, so there is a lot that can happen in that time. But I hope nothing has changed. I still know how to do my job, and that's all that really matters. I want to go back in there and show them that I'm still a good worker and that I can do whatever they need me to do. I know the guy that's in charge of the Managed Care likes me and doesn't want anyone else.
See, I know I'm good at my jobs. I have a top-rate education and can do whatever I put my mind to for the most part. Just the depression gets in the way and they fire me when I can't get out of bed. I haven't really had that problem so far this year.. I think knowing that I don't have the same pressure on me has helped me. I don't know how I'm going to be next year, which is why I want to make sure that I can still get disability next year. I need to wait a full year to see how I'm doing to know if I'm going to be okay. I have to make it a year out of the hospital as well. I can't be going into the hospital if I want to keep a job. The past couple times I've been in the hospital though were because of medication stuff. I needed supervision while starting new medications or that I didn't have any more medications.
Mood today was great! I've been feeling good all day. I didn't go for my walk today, but I can get it in tomorrow. I have to walk to the clinic anyway. Sundays were always hard for me to get out and go for my walk, since it's strength training day and not a cardio day. I like to take a day off from cardio and rest. I guess it's not too bad. My food today was good... I ate chili beans and chips for dinner, and it was good. I'm in my calorie range for now, too. I might have a soda or something, but I'm not sure yet. I'm going to pause this here, and come back and finish when the game is over.
Game is over.. Giants won! That was a nail-biting game... it was good, though. Geo got heartburn from all the anxiety he was feeling (that and the chili lol). This just makes the day even better... I'm hoping I can calm down soon so I can go to sleep and wake up to see the doctor tomorrow. Goodnight all!