Sunday Task - No Self Checks

Today I set myself the task of no self checks and I have to say, I am pretty proud of myself. Whilst I did have several moments of panic, mainly over silly things, I was able to minimise the amount of time I spent on my health anxiety simply by acknowledging the symptoms but not giving into my usual OCD's ... stripping down and checking my body for abnormalities etc. I did check a few things on Google ... slap on the wrists for that one ... but I tend to tailor my searches to include the word anxiety and I try to avoid looking up symptoms. Nevertheless I spent less than ten minutes in total today fretting over my health anxiety. I wish I did not give in at all, but compared to how the last two months have been, it is a huge achievement.

As a side note, it is amazing how the brain can trick our bodies. I am a very creative person, therefore the conclusions I come up with are extraordinary. Every day was a new worry, not necessarily a fatalistic one, but I was spending way too much time focusing on my body and for someone with no body confidence and low self esteem, health anxiety magnifies my fears. I give my brain too much credit sometimes, especially since I have been experiencing these manifestations of stress. It is important to remember that just because you think it doesn't mean it will happen.

Two examples of this, one GAD, one health anxiety.

I am petrified of being alone in a building, especially in the dark at night time, that includes my own home. I have monitored my thoughts. I stare at windows and plan escape routes in my head if someone should crawl out of a hole in my house and murder me or if a ghost appears ... I giggle at the ridiculousness now, but trust me, as soon as I am alone again, the worry is still there. I have been this way my entire life, but I never let it stop me from doing the things I love. 

In January, I visited the doctor and he suggested that I was having chest pains due to gastritis. Zantac helped the symptoms then a few days later I experienced pain under my arm pit and my chest felt sharp, shooting pains from my breastbone down. I felt dizzy and experienced cold/hot sweats. We ended up making a 911 call upon the advice of the nurses hotline. The paramedics checked my vitals, informed me I had the blood pressure of an 18 year old, blood sugar was perfect, vitals were perfect, oxygen levels 99% and he suggested that I was experiencing a panic attack and should talk to my doctor about anxiety. I felt so stupid because panic attacks  and physical manifestations of stress were foreign to me despite living with GAD my entire life. One thought wave I remember while sitting in my room was, what if my heart just exploded in my chest and then I scolded myself, don't think it you'll make it happen ... I give myself too much credit. 

I know it is hard and sometimes it can be dark for people, but I find looking back at my experiences helps me learn, adapt, cope and plan. I find journalling or discussing my symptoms helps me take them less seriously. Laughter can be the best medicine.