Sunday Musings...

Today was so nice. I didn't eat enough yesterday and this morning I could tell... my sugar was so low. ... ugh. I cooked a good breakfast w/ eggs, biscuits and gravy and then I took a nap. I really needed it. 

Then we grilled pork chops out on the grill and made a big salad and cut up cantaloupe and it was so yummy. I just needed REAL food today. 

We had hiked a little yesterday out in the country at hiking trail so we went to the park today and walked 2 miles on the gravel track. we love spending time out there. it's so nice in the evenings. 

then we came home and i played the uke outside while hubby laid in the hammock and got pooped on by the bird and eaten by mosquitoes. they leave me alone... but not him... lol. 

Already getting a jump start on the holidays.

i hate the holidays. i hate thanksgiving and christmas. i am sick sick sick of the reruns of having to stay here bc this is where my mom and my MIL live and this is where the family comes to. I hate the cooking. i dread them always since daddy died. It's been nearly 9 years and it's time for that to change .

i have never spent enough time w/ my daughter over the holidays. i've always tried to meet mom or MIL's expectations and i'm done with that. i need something fun to do and to look forward to. I am tired of trying to recreate what we had when daddy was alive.

I am planning on going to my daughter's at thanksgivng. we are going to go to the botanical gardens and see the lights that are up and maybe go up into the mountains bc it will have snowed already. 

i have got to get OUT OF THIS TOWN. i do not want to stay here for mom's trying to recreate the good ole days. ... and if she is worried about my brother, then i will go by myself. i might go anyways and not even invite her. I need to spend more time with my daughter. period. we have got to be doing that.

mom has been very selfish over the past 9 years during the holidays. i'm sick of her expectations. u can tell that it bothers me bc i'm already thinking about them and it's only the first of october. but i start trying to figure out how to dodge the rerun... omg... i'm tired of it. 

i want to be in colorado during the holidays. i can't stand it here any more.. waiting around for steve. waiting around for l.d. 

omg. 

I'm 56. i shld be doing my own thing. 

I text MD today and we have already planned to be together for the holiday. I am going to go up there. if mom wants to stay home bc of "sunny man" then she can... i don't want to be around to babysit either one of them. I don't want to take MB to colorado. spending 4 days with an alcoholic that isn't getting to drink ... can't do that. and she can't accomodate that. he smokes. he wld have to have his own room. she lives in a studio... just wouldn't work for 4 ppl. he would have to have his own bed... he doesn't like the drive.... so mom can stay home and babysit him. but i don't want to any more. i need to make memories with my daughter... and some good ones.