Sunday morning,time to reflect on what's been done

Good morning journal,the time is now 8:20am and I have been awake for around forty five minutes,first mug of coffee of the day,and my body is beginning to catch up with my brain.Yesterday was a very pleasant day which passed without any major incident,on the whole,I managed to remain pleasant and civil to those people that I came into contact with,which was relatively easy as the only person that I met the whole day was my wife,and we enjoyed each others company as we talked some and discussed our feelings,thoughts,fears and hopes about the things that we have been able to do over the last two weeks,what has been accomplished,and generally what needs to be done still.Last Friday,Carol Jolly picked us up and took us to our first meeting with doctor Prince,my new mental health therapist,we spoke for around an hour,nothing specific,he asked about my daughter and her death,skipped lightly over my time in prison and what had happened while I was incarcerated,but leaving that part of my life for another day.I was very disappointed when Carol told us she would be leaving the team to transfer to another part of the country,I thought that I had finally found someone who could really listen to me,who genuinely wanted to help,and now she's moving on,I really am most disappointed.She did however confirm that she had referred me to social services and the occupational therapist,so that at least is a step in the right direction.Doctor Prince and I discussed my voices and my firm belief that they are indeed very real to me,he didn't push me to admit that they were/are auditory hallucinations,nor did he use the term delusional once,but he did say that because of my deeply held faith in God that it could be why my voices belong to people from the bible,fair enough doc,you have your opinion and I have mine,and I know what I believe.We didn't touch much on my visual meetings with my voices at all,and that was okay with me,he wants me to have some blood work done before my next appointment on November 1st,yes,I thought that was quite a gap too,but,he wants me to see some other people before then,I'm not exactly sure who,he mentioned talk therapy and CBT sessions,so we will just have to wait and see.My wheelchair is still on the list of things waiting to happen,but,it has only been eleven days since I was measured for it so I am hopeful that it will arrive some time this week.I have no idea when I will hear from the disability people,but these things obviously take time,so I will just have to curb my impatience until they finally get around to deciding my fate so to speak,if they decide in our favor,that will help us enormously on the financial side of things,if they don't,well,that's a scenario that I really don't wish to contemplate,this is our last and most important hurdle that we have to jump so I'm trying to remain positive,but both my wife and I know the implications for us if the decision goes against us.On the pulmonary rehab side of things?,I am still awaiting official notification of a start date,I was assessed on August 12th,and I'm almost certain that the guy who assessed me,Darren,told me that the next course started on September 2nd,which is tomorrow,but,knowing me and my brain,I may have completely misunderstood him,or indeed missed the correct date all together,oh well,we'll just have to wait and see.The new drug that I have recently started for my tachycardia seems to be doing something,I'm not nearly as out of breath as I was before it was introduced into my system,it does leave me extra tired but I can live with that,I seem to spend the majority of my life being tired,so that part of it is nothing new.It's the waiting part of it all now,the not knowing,and the feeling of sheer helplessness that goes along with it that is the worst part,but I know God has our backs,and if it is meant to be then it will be done in accordance to His will,and He has never let us down yet.We all go through our lives doing what we feel is right and fair,trying to be decent human beings,good spouses,loving parents etc:,sure we make mistakes,we commit sin,but if our hearts are pure God never turns His back on us,if we cease to feel or hear God's message to us it is because we have moved,not Him.If you plant weeds,don't expect to pick flowers,let us hope that what we have endeavored to accomplish in the past couple of weeks will be the flowers in our life garden and that the Lord does a number with His Heavenly weedkiller on any weeds that might have slipped through unnoticed,if we believe,if we have faith,if we let God be our gardener,then there can be no other outcome but fruitfulness in the future,Thy will be done in Jesus' Holy Name Father,......Amen.Time to go journal,time to trust,time to be still,may God continue to walk with us,for Thine is the power and the Glory forever and ever,......Amen.