Sunday December 19,2010

My oldest son is 15 and is starting to go to the dark side.  I have never really had to punish him.  He always talked with me and asked questions.  Now he is sneaky and his attitude can get nasty.  We just recently moved so we blame ourselves for this behavior.  I also have been needing more help around the house I feel guilty for putting on him and his younger brother.  I have a lot of medical issues that are making it hard on me to do household tasks.  He will scream and cry for hours sometimes at night.  I will ask him whats wrong and he tells me nothing.  When we do talk he blames the move for everything.  I understand he left friends and family and a huge new school.  I am just drained emotionally and physically.  Then he went with me to my doctors apt. when they told me about Lupus.  I have talked with him that I will be around to drive him nuts forever.  I wish I could work, I wish I could clean the house, do the laundry, clean their rooms, clean the bathroom, do dishes and cook dinner everyday.  I wish they only had to worry about school work and playing.  He knows that this bothers me and will guilt me with how I use to be and do.  I am very scared with the constant un-knowing of what is going on with my body.  I wish I had friends and family that could really understand me and not pity me.  I have nothing to talk about I live in my house and never know day to day what I will feel like.