Sunday alone

Sunday used to be sharing coffee and the Sunday paper at the dining room table with my husband, our dog on the floor beside us.  I didn't realize how precious that time was.  Now the time has changed, it is dark outside.  I don't get the paper anymore, can't afford it.  I don't sit at the dining room table anymore, it is too empty without my husband and dog.  I'm in my recliner with my laptop and touching base with DS.  If it weren't for you guys I'd have no one.  I do have two cats.  But cats are cats.  My husband and I used to chuckle over the statement "Dogs have families, cats have staff!"  They are here.  I fed them, they sleep. I'm alone.
In two days it will be two months since my dear Gordon, woke from his nap, stood up and dropped to the floor.  That horrible days runs over and over in my mind.  I knew he was in danger of it, but when it came it was still a horrible shock.  For the last five years Gordon and his ailments were all my life revolved around.  Weekly trips to the VA, doctor visits, hospital stays, medication runs.  I cooked meals and kept quiet while he slept.  Three naps a day.  No way to keep up the house, just do the daily stuff.  Annie, our dog had many health problems, too.  She had a huge (harmless) tumor on her side, arthritis, thyroid problems.  I gave her meds three times a day.  I couldn't get her in the car anymore (she'd always loved to ride) since the lift was put on the back for Gordon's scooter. Had to have neighbors lift her up so we could go to the vet in order to get her meds refilled.
I let Annie go two weeks after Gordon.  Their love was very strong and now they are together.  But I am alone.
I've been cleaning out closets, giving clothes to neighbors, taking clothes to thrift stores.  3/4 of my income is gone.  I've been trying to reduce expenses, so I can stay in this house a while.  Want to go get on the list for a local senior housing complex, but my feet are dragging.  Got the car exchanged for one I hope to be able to afford.  Changed cable to Dish, but they tricked me and the bill isn't going down much.  I guess no TV/Internet is in my future.  Lost or stolen checkbook.  Had to close account, open new one, notify all creditors of new number.
Moving furniture, packing boxes for yard sale, boxes for thrift store.  Hear from daughter in OR maybe once a week.  Only family is what I read about on Facebook. Local son has Aspergers.  I don't hear from him. Without Facebook and DS I am alone.  So, if you, are reading this and not one of my DS friends, please "Friend" me, I need you!

Replies

RosieSoaring
RosieSoaring

Good morning, Janni! I loved hearing about your Sunday mornings with Gordon and Annie. It reminds me of the simple times that my husband and I treasure so much and how precious they are!

It sounds like you are doing an AMAZING job of organizing your house and letting go of things you don\'t need! Do you realize how HUGE that is for someone grieving the loss of their best friend and life partner?! This IS putting one foot in front of the other!!! You are DOING it!!! I admire the job you are doing!!!

People process grief in their own ways. I wonder if you could ask your son to help you with a small project... like carrying a piece of furniture or heavy boxes to the car. Do you think that doing something useful and practical to help allow him to be with you without feeling overwhelmed by your grief (if that is what is going on)?

I hope you continue to write here and to process the shock you have been through. I imagine it will take time just to wrap your head around it! Have you thought about a grief support group? Being with others who are grieving like you are could offer some camaraderie that is missing from your life.

Hugs and hopes for better days!!! Rosie
perplexed46
perplexed46

Hi Janni! I agree with Rosie\'s advice, I wish your cats were more affectionate:-( Maybe you could foster a kitty or dog from a rescue group, if they would provide the food, they usually provide medical care. It\'s too bad that your income has gone down so much, it\'s scary.

I\'ll be thinking about you & praying for you, I wish that we lived closer, we could visit. I live in Kissimmee.
Love & hugs,
Lois
LavenderHippie
LavenderHippie

janni, Hi, i\'m Nita...i\'m so very sorry for your loss...i know how hard that is...i lost my 2nd husband.
Although i am remarried now, i am pretty lonely myself...i\'m like you, if it wasn\'t for FB and DS, i\'d be in worse shape. i\'ve been thinking of volunteering somewhere. i\'ve done it before and it does help to help others..have you considered that? Just take it one teeny step at a time...like looking in your local paper for places that need help? then calling...you get the idea.
I have 2 grown children who live in Alaska...my daughter and i have begun emailing..my son still ignores me totally..i haven\'t heard his voice or heard from him at all in 3 yrs...and we were so close when he was younger. anyways...blah, blah!! just wanted to say Hi really and add you as a friend! xo :)