Sunday afternoon,routine out of synchronization

The time is 14:55pm,I awoke at 9:32am,refreshed after a restorative,uninterrupted sleep of nine hours.From the time I got up until now however,my day has deteriorated into one of frustration and simmering anger,which threatens to erupt over trivialities,despite my best efforts to remain calm.My quiet time is important to me,and this morning,because I overslept for me,I did not benefit from the time I cherish so much.This has resulted in my emotions going into "roller coaster mode",and I find myself in an endless state of up,down,calm,anger,tears and frustration,that threaten to engulf me.My day is out of synchronization,and I am finding it incredibly hard to cope;My breath is being expelled in uncontrolled staccato bursts,akin to a snake spitting venom,and I am struggling to inhale fully as a result.I took my medication several hours ago,but as yet,they are not affording me any relief from the symptoms I have described;I dislike myself intensely when I react this way,yet I seem powerless to stem the rise of anger and self loathing within myself.I long for peace,I become more and more frustrated by the fact that I'll have two or three consecutive days of relatively trouble free existence,followed by days when I am this caged beast who hungers for release and freedom.I feel like two entirely separate individuals,one who is mild mannered,softly spoken and sound of mind;and the barbaric,solitary,howling with fury at the world animal,that inhabits my body today.My mind is besieged by dark thoughts and forebodings,and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness;and overriding all of these,is a feeling of utter indifference;I really don't care,right at this moment in time,what happens to me,or what the overall outcome of today will be.My wife has gone to lay down for a while,two of our fur children went with her,the remaining dog stayed with me,and is now sleeping peacefully on the sofa;while I sit alone,my whole body taut with tension,and stare malevolently at a computer screen with nothing but bitterness and ferocity in my soul.This exercise of writing my journal,which usually provides me with great pleasure and release,has instead today,only succeeded in stoking my anger,and heightening my level of frustration,so I have decided to end this visit;hopefully tomorrow will bring better things.