Summer
Dear DS,
It's been a while old friend but now I come to you again for another chat about how my life has blown up. This summer I met this beautiful girl. She was amazing and she had goals and talents. Her smile would light up my darkest day. I planned on never telling her my feelings because I usually get rejected. So I kept them to myself for the longest and then I told our friend that we had in common. Problem was, was that I had a crush on that friend too but she was straight and she wasn't really what I wanted. But this girl something about her caught me off guard. I figured after that night I would never see her again but she tagged me in a post on facebook saying I went ghost. Soon I started hanging out with her more and more. I started to fall for her and soon I was forced to tell her the truth by one night that I was stuck and couldn't lie. It was quick and painful and the night went on. Then she was talking to this other person and well the other person started to hurt her and finally got to the point where she was done. My friend was in the marines and before she left I forced her to know my true feelings because she always asked me what's wrong and was upset when I lied to her. One night she got drunk and she wanted to kiss me but I told her know because I was trying to be moral. But now thinking back I should of done it. Because while she was gone at base ....she basically told me to leave her life. When the other person hurt her I was there and I was the back up plan... and now I realize i took her lonely feelings as that she liked me and she didn't. Now I have to leave her life and all i did was do what she wanted.. she wanted me to be honest with her... I promised never to lie to her and and she made a pact not to lie to me but now she's kicking me out of her life and I admit I fell really hard and now ... it's all starting to kick in.... it's been a week and a half that I went without seeing her... when she left she hugged me and said bye love. Now.. I won't get to see her for the rest of the year. My heart is really broken I went to sleep thinking I can get through this and I woke up feeling like I Just got crushed by an anvil. I'm blaming myself because I took it way to far and I should of stopped but my other friend says if she was a real friend then she would of stopped it or handled it differently. Needless to say I'm broken.. and I don't want school to start but I think at this point I need school to start because I missed her before and now she doesn't want me around and all... yet I wasn't the one who talked to my ex, I wasn't the one who touched my ex... .All i did was do what she wanted and be honest about my feelings and now I'm out. I told her she can talk to that person again but she's gonna get hurt but oh well. As i write this my heart is pounding and I'm holding back tears thinking about how I have to put her out of my heart and my memories... when she holds both.
It's been a while old friend but now I come to you again for another chat about how my life has blown up. This summer I met this beautiful girl. She was amazing and she had goals and talents. Her smile would light up my darkest day. I planned on never telling her my feelings because I usually get rejected. So I kept them to myself for the longest and then I told our friend that we had in common. Problem was, was that I had a crush on that friend too but she was straight and she wasn't really what I wanted. But this girl something about her caught me off guard. I figured after that night I would never see her again but she tagged me in a post on facebook saying I went ghost. Soon I started hanging out with her more and more. I started to fall for her and soon I was forced to tell her the truth by one night that I was stuck and couldn't lie. It was quick and painful and the night went on. Then she was talking to this other person and well the other person started to hurt her and finally got to the point where she was done. My friend was in the marines and before she left I forced her to know my true feelings because she always asked me what's wrong and was upset when I lied to her. One night she got drunk and she wanted to kiss me but I told her know because I was trying to be moral. But now thinking back I should of done it. Because while she was gone at base ....she basically told me to leave her life. When the other person hurt her I was there and I was the back up plan... and now I realize i took her lonely feelings as that she liked me and she didn't. Now I have to leave her life and all i did was do what she wanted.. she wanted me to be honest with her... I promised never to lie to her and and she made a pact not to lie to me but now she's kicking me out of her life and I admit I fell really hard and now ... it's all starting to kick in.... it's been a week and a half that I went without seeing her... when she left she hugged me and said bye love. Now.. I won't get to see her for the rest of the year. My heart is really broken I went to sleep thinking I can get through this and I woke up feeling like I Just got crushed by an anvil. I'm blaming myself because I took it way to far and I should of stopped but my other friend says if she was a real friend then she would of stopped it or handled it differently. Needless to say I'm broken.. and I don't want school to start but I think at this point I need school to start because I missed her before and now she doesn't want me around and all... yet I wasn't the one who talked to my ex, I wasn't the one who touched my ex... .All i did was do what she wanted and be honest about my feelings and now I'm out. I told her she can talk to that person again but she's gonna get hurt but oh well. As i write this my heart is pounding and I'm holding back tears thinking about how I have to put her out of my heart and my memories... when she holds both.
Replies
Keeping you in my thoughts honey...Keep the faith....big hugs
*hugs you tightly* I know we haven\'t talked for a long time, but i still consider you my friend and i hope your life looks up. It just takes time.... ha, im one to talk... meh...maybe you will find her after you get finished with college and have a career. however if she just uses you i shall figure out where you/she lives and kick her ass :3 take it easy, healing a heart takes time. im still affected this year for a break my break up from last year.... im not hurt by her anymore, but the scars are still visible and the trusting level is WAY down....*shrugs shoulders* but msg me when ever if ever you wanna talk to me.