....Suicide.

I've had many thoughts of suicide in the past, especially during middle school. Recently they've come back and I want to fight against it. I want to be better and I don't want to go down to my lowest point in live back when I was 13.  I'd sit and wait for the bus with my ear buds turned to the max, and I stare down onto the grey asphalt, and think "JUMP". I'd silently watch the cars speed by and the traffic become chaotic. What a perfect place to end it all I'd think to myself. I'd lift my eyes and focus out towards the beaming lights of the METRO bus. I'd feel the urge to let go of the bench railing and jump in front of the bus just in time, but something always stopped me. It was fear, fear of death, and the sorrow I'd bring upon others. Suicide is a selfish thing, and only causes pain, yet I still have thoughts of it running through my brain. I need help, and have no where to search for it.