Suicide

I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on. I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am an asshole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her. I have come to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want my mother or sister to think that it was anything they did that lead me to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every new day. My mother had such high expectations for me and tried to give me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let her down. I think that I am a major disappointment to her. I want my life to end. I am tired of fucking up everything. I am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this note and I hope that my family knows that I fucked up not them. It is my fault I screwed up my own life. The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or those who have crossed my path. This hate rages full force towards me and only me. I have long forgiven those who have hurt me, but I have not and cannot come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and the things I have done to hurt those in my life. You have all touched my life in one way or another, especially those whom I call family. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as a way for me not suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long. Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain. I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created.

Replies

icewolf6
icewolf6

Don\'t punish your family and loved one\'s for loving you by taking the easy way out. It is a permanent answer to temporary problems that can be worked through even if it feels like it\'s impossible to cope with right now. I have been there and crawled back to normal with help from loving family and friends, it was not easy but now I have a beautiful daughter that fills me with joy every day. I can remember feeling worthless and that I would amount to nothing yet I look into her eyes and I know she would not be without the grace of God and the kindness of family. Love will surround you if you allow it to. Please let it.
Beaumont
Beaumont

I hope you are feeling better today. Always remember in tough times that things can get better. Trust this.
angel1313
angel1313

I pray this fines you doing better you are not worthless I know you are hurting & u think you have failed everyone you haven\'t your only failing yourself please re think all this before u go there u said u didn\'t want to hurt your family please don\'t do this. here for u.