Suffering in silence amidst family cheer but trying to remember blessings
This is a bit of a venting/rambling story. DH and I celebrated Christmas early yesterday with his family and I usually love spending time with them. It was a nice day, but of course IF quietly nagged at me all day. I guess that is just the way life is with IF, you can never really escape the thoughts and pain of it. My SIL just had a baby 2 weeks ago, to which we are the Godparents, and I'm super excited about this. I don't feel upset or sad that she just had a baby at all, I'm actually really happy for them. And we found out yesterday that my BIL finally proposed to his gf so now they are engaged, and they cannot wait to have babies and start a family, so I hear a lot of this talk of their future kids, and this has been going on for a long time, even before they got engaged. Everyone was in the best mood yesterday, sooooo excited with a new baby and a wedding in 2013 and although this is all great news for the family, its like my IF issues are so invisbile and this could totally be in my imagination, but its like nobody wants to be brought down by shitty IF so we never discuss it or acknowledge it. I think at this point, DH's family might have given up hope on us since we are 43 and figure, yeah, right, game over for them. Again, this might be my imagination since I feel like there is such a stigma for women getting pregnant in their 40s. Bottom line here, I am sooo frustrated and soooo sad that its come to this.....we were supposed to have a baby a long time ago and not have to deal with any of this IF shit. I swear, at every turn, why does it feel like people are just rubbing it in our faces that we struggle with IF?! It feels like I suffer in silence with this "disease" and I'm just sick of it. I try hard to recognize my many blessings in life, especially during this time of year, but damn, it's freaking hard when there is this huge hole in my life and in my heart. And speaking of blessings, I am sooo grateful to have found DS and soooo thankful for the support of my DS sisters here. Happy Holidays to all, and here's hoping 2013 is our year!! xoxoxo
Replies
Happy holidays for you as well.
I think only people who have experienced IF first hand can understand HOW painful it is. People are always offering advice as if to say \"you\'re CHOOSING not to be pregnant, because everyone can get pregnant\" WELL GUESS WHAT?!? Sometimes it ain\'t that easy!!!!!!
Good luck to you in 2013
I know how you feel. It\'s like it\'s not allowed to be part of everyday conversation. But if you had another disease, people would be asking you how you are, and treatments and etc. I know some people don\'t like to be asked, but I like to know ppl care and are actually interested in my progress. Sorry you felt like IF was dragging you down this holiday season (it was for me too) but hoping you can find a pick-me-up
I completely understand how you feel. Yesterday was such a hard day for me and I feel like I suffer in silence a lot too. Thank goodness for all of you...it makes it just a little less painful knowing I\'m not alone. Going this road is so painful, discouraging, frustrating and just not fair. Sending big hugs to you...xoxo. We are all going to beat this one way or another and until then we all stay strong together:)
I know what you mean. Yesterday in DHs family I had babies everywhere and was just happy no one asked why I wasn\'t feeling well.
You\'ll get there.
I know what you mean. Mom says it\'s now rude to ask me how the if is coming (or to ask my single girlfriends how their love life is). So I would guess some of their silence is out of kindness...still it feels so lonely. DS makes me feel more normal/not alone...just a little.
Thanks, ladies. It\'s soooo helpful to have you all on DS and I really believe one of the best things to happen to me in 2012 is finding this website! I hope and pray 2013 brings us all peace, comfort and BFPs!