Suffering 2
Still processing the possibility that I have been duped by the contractor. Yes, he is licensed with good references, but at the very least, we are in breech of contract over the deadline at the end of the coming week and communication remains non-existant. In construction terms, it isnae a big project, but I donae see any way the job can be accomplished before the 20th.
Still sorting which parts of my current distress are legitimate pain and which are the unnecessary drama of suffering. Conjecturing my way through the possibilities is top on my list for the unnecessary suffering. The loudest of those conjectures are built on echoes straight out of "The Dumb Broad Show." The script for The Dumb Broad Show goes all the way back to the tom boy I was whose feminine nature was as genteel as a hammer. The writing of the script continues as I type. The players range from the people of both genders who tried to get me to stop climbing trees in the dresses they squeezed me into to the female lawyers who were certain they knew best how to develop an engineering career to the all male co-workers on the job site who I listened to through the unfinished walls of construction sites. It is a BIG cast. Even my parenting and wife roles are deeply colored by my difficulty in transitioning from constructo to wife and mommy every night. I think I needed a longer commute for that transition. . . I havenae --nor do I intend to-- run the stats, but I feel it as the largest cast of all the puppet shows in my head. For my logic nickel, it makes perfect sense that The Dumb Broad Show would be the largest of all the puppet shows in my head. My draw to science and engineering is, hands down, the longest running passion in my life. Not so for the politics shrouding the attempted execution of that passion. Politics, formal or social, are nowhere on my interest list and even lower on my list of talents. When it comes to political correctness, I am an equal opportunity offender. I can offend the female lawyer telling me what I should call myself on the construction site as easily as I can offend the Marky Macho who doesn't believe my presence should be tolerated. Most of the time I donae do it on purpose. My honest opinion just keeps coming out contrary to social expectations.
Still sorting. . .
Replies
Different situation, similar place '''trying to get what we want'' when the other party doesn't show up....sending my best to you as you sort! You Are Smart..beyond...and resourceful, they won't get the upper hand on you by ignoring...consequences will face them and their inaction.
As for the hamster wheel until next week of waiting, I haven't a clue on that one..if you find a way to stop wheel, please let me know...I get sick on Ferris Wheel Rides too..ugh...
The fact you've an engineering background may be part of the problem. I've me a few engineers in real life. Many can't see reality b/c they only see The Plan. It's in the nature of the profession, probably. But when you've had to tell an engineer you can't drop a forty-foot-tall pole into a sixty-foot-deep river channel, and show him that there *is* no island there, and he still insists his plans are more correct than reality? I'm kinda surprised that guy didnt' go off the cliff on which my dad had him stand to see the entirety of the job situation/site at the time. I've also seen people hand over blueprints and demand they be followed evne when it means a front door four feet tall and two feet wide. (Poor scaling.) ... And so on and so forth. Just had a lovely chit-chat with a guy who, b/c he had an engineering degree, left th eflashing off the windows he put into the hosue he rrenovated himself. He literally told me his engineering degree meant he knew what he was doing. Really? I worked hands-on construction and know that he's basically effed up his property b/c you can see the dang gaps from the street... And i tonly takes 1/32 of an inch to let moisture in, etc. Ah, but he was an engineer!
I say all that not to irk you, Arfie, but to perhaps get you to step out of the expectations mode of the Engineering Mind. I don't say you're bad at it or one of the BlindSet Mindset type, by any means, but I've seen jobs done in a day that the engineer alloted a week to do, and jobs need a week that were supposedly only a "day or two long" to the Great Educated Engineering Poobah. Thing is, till we start, we don't know for sure what all can and will happen ---- damnable uncertainty! ---- and I suspect engineering minds are allergic to that in a way I can't begin to grasp. I hate uncertainty, but in practical matters, I can accept it. OK, the contractor isn't talking to me. Is it on paper that they'll finish by 1/20/2018? Or is the dreaded "estimate" word involved? If you know how it is to be done, then can you actually do it yourself? Are you aware of every detail required (like my genius neighbor who told me, the little woman, I was ignorant if I thought window flashing was more than decorative. Um... It covers gaps. Gaps bad. But what do I know? I'm female, and not bearing the proper degrees from the proper institutions. Yeah, well, I've helped build and repair stuff since I was 4 years old. I'm no licensed contractor, but I am also not an idiot.). If given the money and tools, can and would you build it properly? If yes, then do that. If no, then call the contractor, remind him of the promised finish date, and consider that given the weather where you live, there may be other issues he's had with other jobs, and a good contractor tries not to juggle too many projects at once, unles he has a project manage for each and every project. (My job. The practical stuff. Such fun when you go to the supplier and say, "Hey, I need XYZ," and some minimum-wage drone thinks you must be wrong. Really? I'm not taking warped two-by-fours, they are *not* "as good", and that's that....)
As you can see, a bit of conflict in my own ventures. Only met one guy willing to treat me like a person, and another would-be boss hired women only b/ c he paid them less... "Men would want more pay", he told me, when I asked whey he had an all-female crew. Then I laguhed when he offered me a job as project manager. Sorry, pal. Equal pay for equal work, or the puma leaves a pawprint on your back on her way out the door.
I ramble all that, partly in solidarity, and partly b/c my perspective on the construction - engineer "whateverness" comes purely from the hammer-and-nail side of it. So what you're seeing and what the contractor sees in terms of timeline? Different worlds, same planet sort of thing, very possibly.
This doesn't ease any of the troubles, but ... you're not alone, is the upshot of it.
BTW, I irk females all the time. I am not going to blame every damn thing on misogyny. Shockingly, smoe women do suck at their jobs and should be fired, for example. Gotta apply same rules to geese and ganders, or it's all gooseshit, IMO.
Shutting up now. Just... Consider not just how your past experience, but your Engineer Brain, may be involved in your actions/reactions?
That said, btw, I've met a few contractors who couldn't use a measuring tape, so.... yeah.
Thanks, ML. Support appreciated.
I confess I only skimmed your commentary, Leo. The strictly personal psychosis I have dubbed, "The Dumb Broad Show" is already complicated enough. The sort piles are still dysfunctionally chaotic. I am screening new input carefully until the old clutter is cleared.
Maybe they broke their cell phones and can't find their way past their own streets without gps?
nothing is wrong with being honest...we can't be responsible for others responses. Usually, people are astute enough to tell that your words are with good intentions. Be gentle with yourself, it is stressful with renovations. I am going through renovations too both upstairs and downstairs. I just moved back to my room yesterday and have been out of there for a few months, have no bedroom door either lol
I think trauma makes us respond differently sometimes. It also gives us more resilience and empathy too. Hang in there sounds like you are doing a great job speaking your mind...well done
triple hugs~