sucks

Not sure how this works with the journaling and who reads it so somebody let me know. As i put on the discussion board I'm feeling overwhelmed today. Counseling started today and that stirred up a lot of emotions. I was also in contact with him today. Really seeking closure and some answers and of course I got some bs answers and some painful ones. He doesn't get it and he is not going to tell the truth so that was pointless more like painful. But I did get some clarity honestly. I just wish there was a pill I could take to make it all better and be ok. I see months and months before that happens and I have no idea how to make it through the holidays that we always have spent together???? Even though I am doing clinical hours for masters my job is in education so I will have breaks off next week and 2 1/2 off in december. What the heck am I going to do with myself then? 3 of the kids will be out of town leaving 3 home and many of my sisters kids will be gone too.  I know whoa is me I am feeling sorry for myself.