stupid show

I'm sitting here watching cake boss, its the special baby edition. I'm sitting here crying and hurting inside because I want that to be me so bad. It brings back so many memories or should I say lack there of. I have already forgotton so much. I don't know how but I have. I am so lucky to have ian. But its been 10 months we have been trying and its getting back to how it was. Its starting to hurt so much. I'm starting to cry all the time. Grrrr stupid show!