stupid hair

I'm going to get a haircut today, and I'm worried because I've started to pull from my scalp.

My eyelashes are starting to grow back now, but they look really weird and a part of me just wants to pull them all out so that strangers won't see the weird and uneven eyelashes I have.

It's a hairstylists job to get close to someone's face to cut their hair, but I really really really don't want anyone to see my eyelashes (or the tiny bald spots on my scalp.

I feel so weird. My parents still won't get my braces, and my canine teeth are pushed up all high and i have a huge overbite. I'm homeschooled, so it's pretty easy for me to not pull because I'm never worried about people seeing me when I recover, but my mom has been trying so hard to drag me out of the house for a haircut and I've finally obliged.

I'm honestly terrified. I just wanted some time to regrow all my hair that I've pulled and now Im being thrown out into the real world. I'm so stupidly self-concious, and if I said a word about this to my parents, they'd threaten me with therapy and ask "What have we ever done to you?"

I'm stuck in this stupid situation and I've already pulled all the eyelashes from my left eye. God damn it! I hate this so much. Why can't i just stop? Why can't EVERYONE ELse stop? Why do I have to suffer while everyone judges me?

Stupid. Stupid. So stupid.