stupid emotions

Its amazing to me how quickly my emotions change. I go from angry to determined, to sorta happy, back to angry, to sad, back to angry (I spend a lot of time there) and then there is my least favorite, the place where I am today, I just want to cry. Not because of lost love or anything like that, but because it all feels so hopeless. I have been stuck in this neverending cycle for 10 years and i havent been strong enough to get out, what if i cant do it now? What if this is supposed to be my life? I have to go back to a job tomorrow that i used to love but now hate. Im stuck in a relationship that i hate, and i hate that i am so weak. I dont want to cry, i dont want to be weak. I like angry, it gets stuff done. Crying is useless and i hate the whole pity party thing, i know that nothing will change unless i change it and im trying. For the first time in 10 years i am really trying, instead of just threatening. But i dont feel like im getting anywhere. Im trying to save money so i can leave but it just feels like such a slow process. I want real progress, i want changes and it feels like nothing is happening. I know that right now i want to take my girls and live by ourselves. I also know that i dont make enough money to completely support us on my own. But i also make too much for government assistance. So i need to change my financial situation first, i guess. I have applied, and been granted, financial aid to return to school. But to do what? I originally thought id take accounting courses because i currently work in accounting, but why when i hate the job so much? So i do nothing. I have the letter from the school telling me what info they need from me and i havent touched it since the day i opened it. Guess i should start there? But its sunday, cant do any business today, so i am going to get up, wash my face, put on my best mom smile and get my kids out of the house for the day. And try to forget that i want to pull the covers up and cry.