Stunt Double

Graphic -- trigger alert--
as the fog continues to clear on my memories.  I find I am a star.  I play the lead in several movies, as I crank the handle on the side of the machine and watch me in the photos as they pass by and my actions continue across the screen.
I see it in black and white.  There is no color.  Color has already drained from my life.  Through pores leaking the very essence of my being and all that causes beauty.  The color is gone.
Lifeless and gray I lay.  Fetal and not moving I hold the very key to the action of this adventure.  The memories.  I am the stunt double that plays all the "key"roles.  I have taken away the actions that couldn't be understood. 
I wonder how I ever continued to hold on to those for so long.  The heart ache you have discovered is masked in hidden shroud.
I open up these memories to help you pass along.  The feelings that you hold inside like a ticking time bomb.
You have the memory back it's time for you to share.
I no longer need to be your stunt double in your movie of life.
The shower is over.  I step out as She puts a towel over my head. 
Extra careful her hand moves over my private parts.  Rubbing gently I feel her hand through the town as she touches wiener.  I giggle.
She smiles and leads me to my parents room.  We get on the bed and she lays me down and starts to fondle and caress me.  Here head moves down and she puts her mouth over me. 
I will try to finish later