Stuggling today
So I just need a place to put this all down....I'm struggling today with several things...
1. Anxiety
2. My job
3. My mother
4. My health
Anxiety - I'm struggling to get this in check and I think I'm doing the best I can. I've seen my therapist and she has given me some pointers. So I"m working on it...but I just want it to go away. I want to be happy and live life and enjoy things, and someday I will...but for now I must fight!
My job - I'm just pissed right now...I don't feel like I like my job anymore, I don't like the people, I don't feel confidant about things that I use to feel confidant about....I"m just struggling. I find myself not working and doing more and more personal stuff (like right now) I"m unhappy and I'm looking at other options, but I'm scared...scared of change.
My Mom- A sore sore subject. So I asked her to please let me know when she wants to watch my son...because I don't want to be like my silblings and just call up at the last minute and dump my kid off for every little stupid thing I want to do with out my kid (why did they have kids?!?!) She said she felt funny doing that. I told her then I guess you won't watch him, unless I have an emergency or really need you to watch him. Anyways I texted her this morning to see if she could watch him for an hour on Sunday and she said yes and when I said thank you...she said "no, thank you!" Which I know can be innosent and I'm sure it was, but it just sent me through the roof because this is also the same woman who said she never sees my son and she wishes she saw him more. But she never calls or tries to come over, I have to always bring him to her and call her. But when it comes to my niece...she sees her almost daily, at least 3x week. If you want more info on this topic...I can write you a novel...there is a lot more to it.
My Health - I'm scared (tearing up) I haven't admitted this to anyone, so consider this a big step...I'm scared that I'm really messed up medically, that I will die early...I have a son, I don't want to die early. I have aches and pains that I should probably have check out, but I don't want to know what the solution is, becuase it will be something I don't want or cant' do....medications, physical therapy, more testing, life style change...I"m just worried about the pain in my side being more then I can deal with right now.
I"m a little overwhlemed...I know things will get better...but for now they are just yucky and I'm sending them out to the universe with a prayer that they change into positive things! Wish me luck! Thanks for reading!
1. Anxiety
2. My job
3. My mother
4. My health
Anxiety - I'm struggling to get this in check and I think I'm doing the best I can. I've seen my therapist and she has given me some pointers. So I"m working on it...but I just want it to go away. I want to be happy and live life and enjoy things, and someday I will...but for now I must fight!
My job - I'm just pissed right now...I don't feel like I like my job anymore, I don't like the people, I don't feel confidant about things that I use to feel confidant about....I"m just struggling. I find myself not working and doing more and more personal stuff (like right now) I"m unhappy and I'm looking at other options, but I'm scared...scared of change.
My Mom- A sore sore subject. So I asked her to please let me know when she wants to watch my son...because I don't want to be like my silblings and just call up at the last minute and dump my kid off for every little stupid thing I want to do with out my kid (why did they have kids?!?!) She said she felt funny doing that. I told her then I guess you won't watch him, unless I have an emergency or really need you to watch him. Anyways I texted her this morning to see if she could watch him for an hour on Sunday and she said yes and when I said thank you...she said "no, thank you!" Which I know can be innosent and I'm sure it was, but it just sent me through the roof because this is also the same woman who said she never sees my son and she wishes she saw him more. But she never calls or tries to come over, I have to always bring him to her and call her. But when it comes to my niece...she sees her almost daily, at least 3x week. If you want more info on this topic...I can write you a novel...there is a lot more to it.
My Health - I'm scared (tearing up) I haven't admitted this to anyone, so consider this a big step...I'm scared that I'm really messed up medically, that I will die early...I have a son, I don't want to die early. I have aches and pains that I should probably have check out, but I don't want to know what the solution is, becuase it will be something I don't want or cant' do....medications, physical therapy, more testing, life style change...I"m just worried about the pain in my side being more then I can deal with right now.
I"m a little overwhlemed...I know things will get better...but for now they are just yucky and I'm sending them out to the universe with a prayer that they change into positive things! Wish me luck! Thanks for reading!
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