stuff

whats positive? and good in my life might u ask?


im going to be working. thats good. right? full time. i feel like i have way too many things on my plate tho and my mind. got appointments and things. and just got to let things go. like my hurts and stuff from the past. this morning was a real trigger my ex bf was a terrible person. even bringing him up makes me get anxious, going thru his hometown. i just wanna move. i guess i have layers of built up junk. its just awful. i guess i have to live here for now, until i can find a cheap apartment. my friend offered for me to live with her for 300 a month honestly i might take it. thing is her and her mom smoke in the house and i wouldnt like that. i dont mind the city tho. i could get used to it again. i could commute. it would only be temporary anyways. until i could save up enough to live on my own. 


what else? i have a gym membership? i want to escape? i can go to the gym where i can tune out, burn off stress and feel good as well as use of the massage services, tanning etc. i feel kinda dumb for signing up for the expensive one but ehh itll be worth it.


also, my bff and i hung out last night. thats good right?


trying to stayy away from guys for now. maybe in the future when the right man comes along but a lot of the shit im dealing with has to do with men.. 


idk what else. im gonna volunteer at church and also maybe at lollypop farm depending on if i have the time/energy. church was good today i mean im doing celebrate recovery and thats cool but friday nights are hard! blah. 


also sometimes i wonder what my diagnosis is if im just a mixed spectrum of different things or what?


hmm. cuz im on pristiq which is for depression and latuda which is like an antipsychotic. my doctor sucks thats why im switching though soon. 


idk what i should do. i cant do counseling cuz it interferes with work schedule right now and like i gotta wait til june for the new counselor.