Stuck in the doldrums
Ever feel like you are stuck in the doldrums. The doldrums are an area in the middle of the world near the equator that get very little wind. This area was also called the Horse Lattitudes because ships would often throw horses overboard to lighten the load onboard the ship in an attempt to excape the doldrums. Sailors would avoid these areas because being becalmed was a real danger. If they were becalmed for an extended period of time the rations on board the boat could be depleted and the rations would be reduced. I am stuck in the Doldrums and my boat is becalmed. I can neither move forward or go backward because every move I do for a while is dependant on my wife. She is the only person, at this point, that is making the calls on weither or not we try to work things out. This is so fustrating for a person like me who likes to plan everything. Not only do I plan everything, but I like to have backup plans for everything. I have been told that I am a type of person who likes to make other people happy. This also another thing bothering me because I always want people to be happy and I try so very hard. I feel that I failed to keep my wife happy and it hurts. The way that boats would get out of the doldrums was they would eventually catch some wind and sail North, out of the area where this happens. Sometimes they would get lucky and a storm would blow up and they would be able to move out of the doldrums. I am hoping that, one way or another, I am out of the doldrums soon and sailing the trade winds.
Replies
Well put. This is very profound and a great analogy. This is a frustrating time. Take some time while stuck in the doldrums and do something for yourself that you wouldn\'t normally do. You sound like a people pleaser (which isn\'t a bad thing), but take this time and do things for you that please you. Nothing in life is ever permanent (except paying taxes of course). You will be out of the doldrums soon. Keep your chin up. Go for a sail this weekend if you can.
The doldrums sound like a sad place and you don\'t need to be there. My husband is making all the moves right now as well and I feel helpless to do anything. A part of me hopes he will feel like he can\'t live without me but I know better. I have always been independent and never relied on anyone else because I didn\'t want to get hurt. When you are so close to a situation you don\'t see the small things. He didn\'t treat me very well in front of other people--his humor is great but he likes to pick on everyone and unfortunately I was good material for him. Go sailing, go for a walk anything just keep your chin up it will get better. And you know what? This is helping me as well so thank you.
Thanks for sharing this too! I know exactly how this feels but had not the words to express. I am going through much of the same. I have given my sigother many many chances, now that I had hope for another chance it is his choice and his is no. I am thankful for this when I look honestly at what it may be like now. However I have found it hard to take that truthful look and realize that I would do myself some good to let go and take my baby steps forward. THe hardest part for me now is that our relationship was so chaotic and painful that I have little trust for others as well as myslef. I feel so stuck in the
\" doldrums\" that it is hard for me to remember who I am without all the craziness and insecurities.
I appriciate your poetry too, I\'ve read a little and would like to read more. I used to write but in the toughtest parts of our relationship I stopped writing altogether. Haven\'t been able to begin again while i\'ve had the feeling that I have a lot of work to do on me. Not sure that makes any since at all....to someone on the outside of the storm I\'ve been in.