stuck in cement

i never thought this would happen again.. but here i am feeling as if i just stepped in cement and before i could step out it dried up,everything seems to be flying by me so fast its as if the world is spinning constantly. but i'm just stuck in one place. at this moment like many others u think Ur life couldn't get any worse but sure enough that's when life hits u upside the head and says u were wrong my job is to make Ur life more of a living hell then it already is. i sit here and wonder whats the purpose? what did i do? why cant i just be happy? well its not that easy, i keep thinking that everything is going to be okay and i'm happy but the minute i turn back around everything has gone to shit. ive been through a lot of shit and been through hell and back but i still survived why now does my depression have to haunt me again. i never wanted it to get this bad again. when i was told Ur not supposed to suddenly drop anti depressants i guess i never thought that it would happen so fast. i recently had to suddenly drop my anti depressants and my depression came running back for me as if it was a frat train. my depression hasn't been this bad for years now and i'm getting really worried i'm starting to think its getting worse then what it was and i don't want that to happen and end up doing something stupid. i survived it why now does my depression have to come back and haunt me. as if it couldn't get worse but i believe i could be having seizures i could have had 3 possibly four two times was around people that i care about and they thought they was going to lose me. when i tried taking a step forward and calling to make an appointment for my medication and my possible seizures i was then informed that my doctor retired . i know that life throws everyone challenges and life not perfect i don't want it to be perfect and this isn't meant to be a sob story or anything either this is shit that i'm personally going through i just needed to get some of it off my chest its tough holding everything in at all times. i just want to be able to be happy but instead my past and my depression is holding me hostage...