Stuck in a negative thought loop

Hello! I'm new here and looking for some positive advice, stories etc. For the past 2 months I've been grappling with anxiety and depression. I had struggled with these issues in my early twenties but was able to feel well again after working with multiple therapists and taking different medications. I was on Lexapro 20mg for 13 years until it seemed to stop being effective. After trying an increase to 40mg, my nurse practitioner has advised that I wean myself off of it. I've been taking 15mg of mirtazipine for the past month and it's worked wonders for my insomnia but it hasn't really helped with my anxiety. I've been seeing a new therapist, meditating, journaling, and exercising regularly but I can't manage to break from this negative thought loop. I've tried to explain it but it's really difficult. I feel uncomfortable in my own body, almost feeling strange that I can't see my own face (weird, right!?!) I know it's ridiculous but I can't shake the weird feeling I'm having. I guess it kind of sounds like disassociation but I'm not sure if that's exactly what it is. As I shared with my therapist, it's like my mind created the most intrusive of all intrusive thoughts because there's no way to break free from the feeling. I had this thought at times in the past but I was able to brush it off. Unfortunately, this time it caught hold and won't leave me alone. I'm a father of 3 young children, a professor, and a professional artist. I don't want to waste these precious years with my kids feeling strange in my own skin. I constantly wish I could go back to the way I was. My main concern is that these thoughts will continue to take their toll and I'll end up hurting myself. In turn, ruining the lives of my wife and children. I have to say that my symptoms have gotten negative better at times in the past 2 months but it's been a bit of a rollercoaster. Any hugs, positive stories, advice anyone could share would be terrific.