Stuck in a cycle
I don'[t even know where to begin.
I have been seriously depressed for the last 3-4 years. Now I am retired and stuck at home with people who don't seem to like me very much, my family.
I know they love me, but they aren't very nice to me. I cry every morning and most of the day. Just knowing that they really don't respect me hurts me to the bone.
They don't understand. They think if it was said yesterday that it is over.. Not for me. I remember things that were said to me by all three husbands and things that were said when I was a little girl. I know I am different. Does that mean I should be treated badly, called names and simply ignored.
My family has chosen to ignore the fact that I am a major depressive. I have been since I was 14 nd learned that my mother was going to die.
I can't make it on my own. I need someone to care about me. Someone to understand. I don't need to be called "Crazy, Stupid and Lazy".
I don't know does a stupid and lazy person run a business of their own. Two at a time as a matter of fact. I had a pet grooming shop for 5 years before the arthritis hit me and I have an ebay business. Does that sound lazy and stupid. Pet grooming is a very hard job. It will tear your body up. And I was a professional cook for 22 years. I worked 10 hr. shifts from 5 am to 3 pm. That doe'snt sound lazy to me. Especially when I was and am a single parent. No child support, no emotional support. Nothing from these men!
My father told me when my first husband beat me up that I should just take it. Now he's telling me that I should just take the verbal abuse my sons are handing out. How weak is that. I am not a weak person I will not stand there and let someone abuse me. Yes, I have a terrible temper (I'm Irish), but the anger doesn't come until after the degradation.
What is so wrong with men that they think they can treat a woman any way they want to and if we stand up for ourselves we are "Bitchs"/ Personally I am completely and totally sick of it. I won't take that kind of crap off of anyone especially my children.
Ijust feel like running away. I want to be alone for a while. I am so lonely and so unhappy that I can't even describe the pain in my heart. I feel as if my family doesn't want me. If they don't want me who will.
I miss my mother!!!! She is the only person who ever REALLY loved me.
I have been seriously depressed for the last 3-4 years. Now I am retired and stuck at home with people who don't seem to like me very much, my family.
I know they love me, but they aren't very nice to me. I cry every morning and most of the day. Just knowing that they really don't respect me hurts me to the bone.
They don't understand. They think if it was said yesterday that it is over.. Not for me. I remember things that were said to me by all three husbands and things that were said when I was a little girl. I know I am different. Does that mean I should be treated badly, called names and simply ignored.
My family has chosen to ignore the fact that I am a major depressive. I have been since I was 14 nd learned that my mother was going to die.
I can't make it on my own. I need someone to care about me. Someone to understand. I don't need to be called "Crazy, Stupid and Lazy".
I don't know does a stupid and lazy person run a business of their own. Two at a time as a matter of fact. I had a pet grooming shop for 5 years before the arthritis hit me and I have an ebay business. Does that sound lazy and stupid. Pet grooming is a very hard job. It will tear your body up. And I was a professional cook for 22 years. I worked 10 hr. shifts from 5 am to 3 pm. That doe'snt sound lazy to me. Especially when I was and am a single parent. No child support, no emotional support. Nothing from these men!
My father told me when my first husband beat me up that I should just take it. Now he's telling me that I should just take the verbal abuse my sons are handing out. How weak is that. I am not a weak person I will not stand there and let someone abuse me. Yes, I have a terrible temper (I'm Irish), but the anger doesn't come until after the degradation.
What is so wrong with men that they think they can treat a woman any way they want to and if we stand up for ourselves we are "Bitchs"/ Personally I am completely and totally sick of it. I won't take that kind of crap off of anyone especially my children.
Ijust feel like running away. I want to be alone for a while. I am so lonely and so unhappy that I can't even describe the pain in my heart. I feel as if my family doesn't want me. If they don't want me who will.
I miss my mother!!!! She is the only person who ever REALLY loved me.
Replies
Hugs to you Briste!!! You are not weak, or lazy or stupid. You sound like a warrior. A woman who is strong, resilient and brave. I am saddened at how your family treats you. I have learned that people treat us the way we allow them to. It\'s easy to train someone new how to treat us, but tough to break old habits of others who have known us a long time.
I\'m sure that your mother is watching over you and loving you and wanting your life to be better. I can only send hugs and encouragement.
Thank you so much. Your support really does help me a lot. Thank you.