Struggling this morning,so much for easy breathing

Good morning journal,the time is 6:45am as I type,I have been awake for fifteen minutes,I had to be up early as I have an appointment with my doctor at 10:00am and I wanted a little "me" time to come here and get my thoughts together before the rush of the day makes that impossible.My breathing this morning is again proving a struggle,I am finding it difficult to suck in enough air to allow me to breathe without help,so I have one of my inhaler buddies handy in case I need it,I like to try and breathe on my own before I look for outside help,so I'm trying to give it time and let the hot coffee I've just brewed warm my chest while my lungs take the time they need to realize that I'm actually awake and need them to do their thing for me.Yesterday was interesting but very tiring,doctor Ashfaq listened very politely,asked questions when he deemed it appropriate,then said,"you have voices,I believe you",well thanks doc,so what's wrong with me?. His diagnosis?,not so much psychotic depression but depression with psychosis,uh huh,how is that different?,well,apparently,because my voices are not threatening,or telling me to do bad stuff,it's okay.Even although at first my voices were very forceful and in my face,the fact that they are now,for the most part,benevolent towards me means that I'm not in any imminent danger,and tells him that the current medication I am on is working,so no need for a change there then.He suggested that I keep on with my therapy sessions with John,but should things take a turn for the worst,we can look at things again,like increasing or changing my medication,but for now the current diagnosis is depression with psychosis,NOP,(not otherwise specified). My wife thought he was very good,but then she understands all this medical terminology,I,on the other hand,do not,all I have to go on is how I feel,and even then sometimes I'm guessing.I get confused when I try to absorb too much information at any one time,I have to be fed little titbits of stuff,rather like a baby learning to crawl,too much and my mind simply shuts down and goes into sleep mode.I will have to mention my breathing difficulties to doctor Butler this morning,the cold I had which he gave me antibiotics for is still lingering somewhere within me,it's been there far too long so perhaps we need to look for another cause,or new ways of helping me to breathe on my own.It may be that the infection that I had in my lungs is resisting any and all efforts to dislodge it,and if that is the case,measures may have to be taken to exacerbate it's removal,so if your listening mister infection,give me my lungs back!,get out and walk mister,I've carried you long enough.So,where are we up to then?,no follow up appointment with the psychiatrist at this stage,my regular therapist off on long term sick,a very good young doctor who tries to be helpful but is limited in what he can do in a medical sense,I kind of get the feeling of being marooned on an island with no dinghy at hand to row to a safe shore with real people and real buildings and stuff,instead,I feel very lonely with my illnesses at times,and now,with my therapist John being sick for God knows how long,I find I am beginning to turn to my wife for her opinions on my mental state as well as my breathing difficulties.At the moment,she is trying to put some weight back on me,I am very thin right now and I can't stand for too long as my legs tend to give way under me,I have little or no energy,and I tend to sleep rather more than I should.For instance,when we returned home from the psychiatrists appointment,I had to go to bed I was so exhausted,I slept for over three hours,and would have remained asleep,were it not for the attentions of our smallest dog Bree who had decided that I had slept far too long for her liking.I had very little appetite for dinner,and settled for a small sandwich,but even that proved somewhat of an effort to get down,I then became a bit of a grumpy boots later on and decided that,rather than make my wife and our dogs lives a misery,I should take my night medication and retire,this I did saving further unpleasantness, and I fell asleep very quickly and slept deeply and uninterrupted for the most part until I woke at 6:30am.Well journal,time is growing short and I have to get dressed and ready for my trip to the doctors office,so I will leave here for now, but rest assured I will return and let you know what happened on my visit,until then,may the Good Lord walk with us,someone has to help me put one shaky foot in front of the other and He has never let me down yet.