Raped without support

I don't even know if im doing this right. Posting this message. I don't quite remember how I got here or why I went from searching the Michael Kors website for a nee purse to searching the web for information on how to overcome rape. I wanted to wake my boyfriend up that is laying asleep next to me and cry on his shoulder, vent my hurt, speak my pain etc....but every since the first time I told him I had been raped, I know that is impossible. I remember that night like yesterday right now, everything raw, clear & a suffocating pain.  I was in my home, minding my own simple life when a stranger came to my door, a stranger to me but a relative of my boyfriend looking for him, but he was out and this relative was drunk/high and had an erection from the time I cracked the door open & he saw my face. From that point to 3 hours after was screaming, useless fighting on my behalf, to eventually crying, pleading and bleeding. I thought that was the worst of what  could happen until my boyfriend came home and instead of comfort, I was called a slut. I had to pick myself up off the ground literally and figuratively. And never had any support since. I realized that I have not once been hug or cried on anyone's shoulder about this trama I experienced. It's months later and I believe I've been more afraid of being raped and alone, than raped and unsupported so I've dealt with this emotionally abusive man that doesn't love me nor has the capacity to. Sorry everyone. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening! Ill do the same for anyone that needs it.