Struggling
I took a 4 week leave of absence from work during the holiday season- it was a huge blessing for me- it's just so hard to focus on certain things right now. I've been back to work for 2 weeks. Some days I feel like I have it together, looking at the bigger picture and trying SO HARD to trust God's plan. He knows it and I don't. But it still hurts SO MUCH!! At times I wish I could just run away, I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, like I would give anything to not be me for a little while. At times I think this would be so much easier if we were just getting a divorce. The kids and I would move out of this town (his hometown, not mine) and I would be able to start over- focusing on only myself and my kids. Finding new friends, new church, new beginning. But I don't know if, in the end, that would make me truly happy. We have been together for 10 years and through all the lies and betrayal- he still feels like home to me. Is that completely crazy? Am I just being weak? I used to think of myself as a very independent and strong person- not any more. He just wants to focus on moving forward, he gets frustrated with me for bringing up ANYTHING that has to do with the past and I don't do it that often, but sometimes I can't help it- I have not forgiven him yet and I can't seem to let it go either. It's eating me up! Not to mention that we will, very soon, have to start dealing with the issue of visitation with his illegitimate child.
Replies
gosh, do I know how you feel. this is a living nightmare. my H acted the same way when the papers were delivered and acts the same way now. we are dealing with back support now and its so hard. seems like there is no running away from this at all? it eats me a live and I have been going to couseling once per week for almost six months. Can\'t offer much except your not a lone.
Yes, I\'m afraid to know if he is going to owe back support. The child will be one next month, her birthday is 4 days before my son turns 2. Lovely. The first child support payment just came out of his check last week and the visitation schedule is yet to be determined. I assume that will have an impact on how much more $ he will owe? This is insanity- how did I get here??????
my H\'s other son will be 1 March 4th. He thinks its best to never see his OC ever. He thinks it will destroy our family. I told him he needs to follow custody to lower the payment........its so unfair. Maybe seeing the child will finally be my breaking point though. I am so mad at how much they have robbed me and my son of. They consume all my thoughts........I can\'t standd it.