Stress
I had acute adrenal fatigue last year, so bad that I can't remember huge chunks of 2018. It's a lot better now, but lately, like the past week or so, I've been feeling more stressed and angry again.
Going to the gym and watching my diet helps a ton, but other than the gym, I really have no me time or time to decompress and recharge. I always feel like everyone around me is very needy. It's starting to affect my sleep.
I don't want to make him mad, but I'm thinking of asking my fiance to see if he can have a different day off thru the week than the same one as me. Then again, if he does that, my mom is still at home. If he isn't home then there is no buffer between me and her abuse.
Yesterday, and lately, I've been trying to help my brother too. He lost 2 jobs now. I'm trying to help him find another one, then yesterday I had to loan him money because his cat needs surgery. He was at the house asking for help and my mom told him to put the cat down! He already lost his daughter a few years ago and he had no other kids, that cat is his baby. mom is so insensitive.
My brother is a dick to me sometimes but I know he just hasn't survived as well as I have. He has problems. Now we are having to lie to mom and not tell her about the money because she will flip out on me for not buying her a stove or new furniture.
Sometimes I just want to win the lottery and change my name and move.
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I worry that if I win the lottery, it won't matter how many times I move and change my name. Money sharks are mighty clever in following those money trails. The times I did change my name and move, I still woke up with myself and 100% of my strictly personal psychobaggage. WHERE'S MY PERFECT LIFE! ! !
Hope you caught the relapse in time to prevent further physical damage, Ghost. How is that garden doing? Does it miss you?
You know what? I have known alot of rich people in my life and some were millionaires. Oddly, not one of them was happy! It seemed that the the more money they had, the more they would spend so in their eyes, they never had enough money and was always trying to get more.
I have gone from have no money at all to having alot and then back to having no money at all again (lost alot in stock market) This was one of life's many lessons and it taught me that until I could find peace within myself, I would never be happy. So I stopped worrying about not having enough money and when I did that the money began to come in again, mostly from places I never expected. I am no more Blessed then anyone else but I had discovered a universal law that when I want others to succeed then I succeed! It's like being rewarded for living by the Golden rule, "Do unto others" and you will be Blessed for helping your brother in the way that you did but don't feel guilty about it. You did the right thing, trust me! Now, the universe will pay you back for that which will happen usually within a day or two and if you are vigilant, you will know what it is when it happens., but it may take longer. It comes on their time, not ours.
It will be nice if you could forgive mom for the things she says. We don't know what her motivation is for saying the things she does but 9 times out of 10 it is from fear of something and when we forgive someone, we are forgiving ourselves at the same time because in a sense we are all connected. That is why we feel bad after getting angry at others..
Try to avoid the temptation to bring the past into the present!
Life is all about how we treat other human beings (and animals) and we know you are a good person with a huge heart so just keep on being you and continue to follow your passions and everything will work out fine.
God Bless
I hope the universe rewards me with my brother getting a new job and him being nicer to me.
It will either be that or something better! Just continue being the light in your brothers life and he will learn from your example.
God Bless
Hi Ghostwolf,
I am sorry that this is happening to you. Forgive your mother for her words. She doesn't know how to be compassionate to people, especially you and your brother. Help your brother to heal from that loss and suggest he see a Therapist or Counselor to deal with the grief of losing his daughter and he will find a new job. He has to deal with the issues that are having an affect on him. No one should be alone and you should take care of yourself because you deserve it and love yourself too.