Stream of Consciousness pt. 1

I was reading an article last night on high functioning anxiety and came across some online anxiety forums to join as an outlet- which is how you found me here. 

I've always known I was an anxious person. The mix of seperation anxiety from my parents at a young age to the dread of the inevitable unknown in life always tore me up. I'd have trouble passing in a school project because my parents helped me with it and I felt anxious & territorial over something that was mine. I hated slumber parties because insomnia haunted me from a very young age and I would just watch the other girls sleep while I wondered if my family was okay while I was gone. 

I experienced a master manipulator and bully around the age of 9 who was a huge factor in how my little psyche was molded. She would alienate me from her clique and then flip the switch with no explanation to announce me as her best friend. This is where I believe the need for constant reassurance began. Needing to know if she was mad at me and what it was I did wrong to cause it. When I was 12 I got a new pair of sneakers and she told one of the boys on the play ground to step on my new shoes with muddy feet. He ruined them and she got away with it. 

Around this same time I was experiencing a family member who was sexually assulting me which only added to the confusion in my little head.

I'm going to end here because pt. 2 will dive deeper into the abuse and how it was a domino effect to everyone around me.