Stop The World
Can I get off the world for a bit.
Had hubby at the ER on Friday cause of some issues that had been hanging around. It was a mutual decision. They took him in to triage him right away because of being on oxygen. His oxygen level was only at 69% so it's good we were there. He was in for the day & they worked on balancing him. He was having what would be a COPD flare. In the evening when all was said & done there was a battle as to whether they would keep him in for a few days. Some wanted to, some didn't seem to think they need to, so on it went back & forth for a while. It would of been so much better if the ER doctor would of just said "OK we're admitting you for a few days", but that didn't happen. Well being the person he is he started to get a bit grumpy. We ended up going home with meds for him to take which he is on for a couple more days yet. I guess things are better but I just don't know any more. He was a glass half empty before this but now YIKES I don't know how to describe it. He's so focused on the end of his life's journey that you know I just don't know what to feel, what to think & what more I can talk and/or preach and/or uplift to him. Do I make any sense here.
It's hard to be the full glass for both of us & be the super power here. OK big weary sigh going on here. I've never been the type of person that has this whirl wind social life but now it would be good to have some venting outings or outings to just turn life off for a bit. Have to find a refocus to help shift life I think.
My girl cave is coming along. My brother in law painted it for me & the flooring goes in on the 24th. It's going to look pretty wonderful I think. I sure miss having that hide a way though & will love to have it back. My sister & brother in law were there for the day, he did so many little jobs around here for us. It helped in so many ways BUT hubby of course finds it frustrating cause he thinks he's getting so useless.
Any ways it's getting late in the evening & I'm getting pooped big time. Gonna go take my blood test, have my snack & get ready for bed. I wonder if they have a caregivers section on here. If I can find one I think I need to join.
Thank you all so much for letting me vent here. It has helped.
Had hubby at the ER on Friday cause of some issues that had been hanging around. It was a mutual decision. They took him in to triage him right away because of being on oxygen. His oxygen level was only at 69% so it's good we were there. He was in for the day & they worked on balancing him. He was having what would be a COPD flare. In the evening when all was said & done there was a battle as to whether they would keep him in for a few days. Some wanted to, some didn't seem to think they need to, so on it went back & forth for a while. It would of been so much better if the ER doctor would of just said "OK we're admitting you for a few days", but that didn't happen. Well being the person he is he started to get a bit grumpy. We ended up going home with meds for him to take which he is on for a couple more days yet. I guess things are better but I just don't know any more. He was a glass half empty before this but now YIKES I don't know how to describe it. He's so focused on the end of his life's journey that you know I just don't know what to feel, what to think & what more I can talk and/or preach and/or uplift to him. Do I make any sense here.
It's hard to be the full glass for both of us & be the super power here. OK big weary sigh going on here. I've never been the type of person that has this whirl wind social life but now it would be good to have some venting outings or outings to just turn life off for a bit. Have to find a refocus to help shift life I think.
My girl cave is coming along. My brother in law painted it for me & the flooring goes in on the 24th. It's going to look pretty wonderful I think. I sure miss having that hide a way though & will love to have it back. My sister & brother in law were there for the day, he did so many little jobs around here for us. It helped in so many ways BUT hubby of course finds it frustrating cause he thinks he's getting so useless.
Any ways it's getting late in the evening & I'm getting pooped big time. Gonna go take my blood test, have my snack & get ready for bed. I wonder if they have a caregivers section on here. If I can find one I think I need to join.
Thank you all so much for letting me vent here. It has helped.
Replies
Oh Kitty, I\'m sorry you\'re having such a difficult time right now. My first thought is to just let your hubbie feel the way he\'s feeling. Some things we can\'t change and everyone reacts differently to life\'s challenges and stages. I know how hard it is because you\'re positive and a nurturer / fixer, like many of us gals. We all have right to choose our reactions to things though. Your girl cave sounds amazing, will you share photos? Once that \'sanctuary\' is finished, you\'ll be happy there. Surround yourself with things that make you happy too, if it\'s music, birds, crafts, movies, books, things that give YOU joy. We can\'t make other people happy but we can make ourselves happy. HUGS
Hi Kitty! Surprise! Ya never know who\'s gonna stop by, right? LOL!
I\'m hearing what you\'re saying about care giving! It\'s a difficult road to walk. I also understand the frustration of your husband. COPD and emphysema are miserable things to have. I guess he\'s entitled to a bit of a pity party when things are bad, but he needs to get a grip!!! I know you are doing everything you can do to bring positivity into his life, but if he insists on just staying \"down\" most of the time, there isn\'t too much you can do!!
I would probably just keep a smile on my face and work around him, fixing your girl cave and let him not bring you down to where he\'s at. He probably doesn\'t realize what a drag he is on you, emotionally! Leave it with the Lord. Right? It\'s all we can do sometimes, and then just keep moving forward yourself.
A care giver group probably does exist on DS, but I think you\'re doing fine, just venting right here!!! Still, support is important. DS friends carried me through my husband dying and are still here for me. You\'re a lovely lady and I know lots of people care about you, as you do them.
Give him some time! And some hemlock! LOL!! JUST KIDDING!
I\'ll be praying for both of you! xo
I\'m so sorry to hear that you are both struggling so. It is so hard being the caregiver and cheerleader while struggling with your own health challenges, but I think you do an awesome job! I wish I has some helpful thoughts to share but all that comes to mind at this weary moment is something our yogi said: when negative thoughts come, acknowledge them and then let them pass... realizing that there is blue sky about this temporary cloud. I like that a lot. And of course, that follows the same pattern as giving something to God, knowing he works out everything for our good. Does it help when you acknowledge hubby\'s negative thoughts, at all? I\'m sure having a low oxygen count changes your mental status and outlook. I know from what tiny issues I have had with that (asthma) that even a tiny shift made my mind focus on things in a completely different way. I pray for discernment, strength and guidance and, of course, healing for both of you. hugs!!!