Stop the insanity

Can't sleepThe fear of me dying in my sleep scares me to the point where I can not even close my eyes and relax....my head hurts, the pain jumps from the left, then the right side of my head. Why is it so hard for me to realize that this is just anxiety getting the best of me.....I do not want it to get the best of me I want to fight it. But I can't....I am weak when it comes to things like this.....The more I think about it the more I want to cry, I feel so alone when this happens. I am healthy all in all, always getting test, one after another because of this stupid, stupid, stupid, fear...Fear of always dying no matter what....headache must mean im having an anurysm, stomach ache means I have cancer, my foot hurts so does that mean that I have a horrible foot disease? why can't I just accept that im fine.....fine except for this disease that controls my life, the disease of anxiety, the disease of panic, the disease of worry..... I sit here with my head hurting, my mind racing, my heart beating faster....relax.....just relax....you are fine, don't let it beat you.....breathe, dont let it control your thoughts.... I have gone so long with no medical help for my anxiety....everynow and then I take a small pill called tranxene, which helps me sleep....it basically slows my brain down.....I kind of like the feeling, is that weird? I took one about 15 mins ago and im starting to slur my words and get very tired.....I guess that is good for someone with anxiety, because our minds race when we are anxious, and this little pill helps the brain rest so we will stop worrying.....even though I am getting sleepy I still feel the pains in my head which is causing me to to still panic....this is all insane....the mind is an insane yet genius thing.....but when will the insanity stop? when can I control my own thoughts in order to stop my own, personal, insanity?