Stop Intellectualising, But Don\'t Stop Thinking!

Recently I read a quote on the Net from Kate Moss, who said, “I don't intellectualize about the clothes I put on - I just let my emotions guide me!” That's when I thought, ‘A-ha. You shouldn’t think about the clothes you put on; if the zips are up, or the buttons are right, you just let your emotions guide you. Hmm… what if kind of clothes do emotions wear?’  Wikipedia defines intellectualisation as: Intellectualisation is a defence mechanism where reasoning is used to block confrontation with an unconscious conflict and its associated emotional stress. It involves removing one’s self emotionally, from a stressful event. Intellectualisation is often accomplished through rationalisation; rather than accepting reality; one may explain it away to remove one’s self .Intellectualisation is one of Freund's original defence mechanisms. Siegmund Freud believed that memories have both conscious and unconscious aspects/ and that intellectualization allows for the conscious analysis of an event in a way that does not provoke anxiety.  It's one thing when a person flees to the safeness of rational thought to avoid unpleasant emotional stress, but what's so stressful about putting on clothes you like or don't like?  This term "intellectualisation", seems to be a favourite "pseudo-sin" in co-dependency new-speak, when you try to analyze your feelings, your wants and needs and try to come to terms with them. Co-dependents are being told “Let Go! Let God!”, which is giving me the message to just turn off their mind and surrender it to their magical higher power and "feel".  Okay, I did that. And my magic higher power had a field day shouting things at me like: “It’s hopeless! It’s worthless! You’re a failure! You’re no good! Nobody likes you – let alone loves you! Do the world one great big favour and go kill yourself!”  I decided I didn’t like it, and so I stopped it, and began to wonder if the people who love those snappy slogans like “Let Go! Let God!” have any idea what they are talking about.  Feel! Don't think! Thinking about yourself, analyzing your feelings is evil and wrong.   Why? What’s wrong with confronting these feelings that make me feel awful, to see just what it is making me feel awful? What’s wrong with taking note of what my feelings are trying to tell me? My feelings are the only feedback system I have about how I get along with my environment. If I don’t start taking their messages seriously, then I won’t be able to decide what I might be able to do to change things for myself.  Critically thinking about what I feel – what I really feel is important to me. If God gave me a brain, I am sure it was intended to use, and not just to push a button on automatic, and let my higher power servant do my work for me. Besides my higher power doesn’t even like me, and the feeling is mutual.  Critical thinking about what I really feel is also very important to me. I am so down-loaded with so much “SPAM” on my “hard-drive” from all sorts of sources about how I am supposed to think and act, that it takes awhile to sort out things like “Do I really feel that way or am I supposed to feel that way?”  That’s not intellectualisation. Intellectualisation would be avoiding this unpleasant question in the first place, and conforming to the way a sponsor, a monitor, a mentor, a friend, a spouse says, “But everyone knows that’s the Truth! Everyone knows whatever the group says is right! Everyone knows that’s how you’re supposed to behave and act if you don’t want to be co-dependent anymore!” And it's also a form of intellectualisation when you "buy" whatever reasoning they give you and employee it, so that you don’t have to ask yourself that nasty question, “Do I really feel that way, or am I supposed to feel that way?”  Part of my recovery from co-dependency is non-conformation. If someone says, “This is right!” “This is the Truth!”, “This is the only way!”, “If you don’t do it our way, you’ll just be a loser!”, or “Only if you do it our way, you’ll be a winner!”, then alarm bells go off in my head, and I want to ask "why?". And that question comes back: "Is this how I really feel, or is this the way I am supposed to feel?". So my automatic reaction is "no" just to buy time, and analyse it. Is it the "only" way? How do I really feel about it?    Despite what all the literature warns about intellectualisation, but then practices it in some form or another, I still find it important to confront my emotions with a questioning mind, comfort myself when they are negative, accept them and nurture myself if they are painful, and think about constructively what I could do to try to prevent some of those “same old problem – same old feeling” situations from happening again.  But then that means I have to do a number of “bad” or “wrong” things according to the co-dependency new-speak tenants. I have to not let go, but take hold of my thoughts and think about my feelings and what they are trying to communicate to me. I have to consider all of my alternatives to change myself or my attitude or if possible the situation. I have to use my intelligence to learn to influence, control or manipulate as much as I can.  This doesn’t have to be negative. It can be positive. I can ask someone to stop bothering me. Alone the question is an influence, because it introduces the thought “I don’t like the situation”. While I cannot force the person to stop bothering me, I can control him, by finding means that can force him to stop bothering me. Restraining orders, injunctions or charges of harassment, for example are methods of control.  I have to do this by myself, because my Higher Power hates me, so I have no choice but doing it on my own, but I think I can handle it.  God gave me a mind to use. I think He’ll get ticked off of I don’t make use of His gift.  Think critical!  Think for yourself!