Stomach Problems Again
My stomach has been hurting again today. I knew that coming up here was going to be a risk, but I didn't know it was going to be like this. I forgot to bring all my stomach pills, so I don't have much to fight off the pain. I could get some stuff at Target or something, but I don't have a lot of money. I used a bunch of it today to get my pills. I thought that I was going to get a good deal at Target, especially since I wasn't able to get my pills at home since I needed more time to get the refill. I had to wait until today to get it, so I couldn't get it at the clinic since I'm at my mom's. They wanted to charge me $170 at Target without a discount card, and so I got one and then only had to pay $35. Still, at the clinic I only pay $20, so it's still more expensive to get it at Target than to get it at the clinic. So money I thought I had I don't have anymore. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, it's just $15, but I'm living on a tight budget, especially this month since I bounced a check last month. Bank of America charged me $70 for the one bounced check, since it was $35 the first time and then I was still overdrawn a couple days later so they charged me another $35. I haven't bounced one in a long time, so it was really annoying. I was having such a good record, too.
Today other than my stomach I've still been pretty good. I got to practice driving a bit on the back roads around my mom's house. I wouldn't say I'm doing as good as I was yesterday, but I'm still doing good. Driving was fun after I got over the initial nervousness of being behind the wheel. I was driving in a truck, which I've never done before, so it took a bit longer to get over the nervousness than it normally does in a car. I haven't driven in so long that I'm a bit rusty. I think the last time I was behind the wheel was a year and a half ago when Geo and I still had the car and I was trying to get my license. This was before the seizures started to really become a problem. At first I wasn't sure if I was having seizures or not, and then finally I realized that it was the only thing to explain my blackouts and even now I have trouble realizing when I have one.
I almost wish that I had some sort of other things to do in the day besides be on the computer and volunteer so I could know a bit better when I have a seizure. I'm looking forward to having a better schedule when I get home. I called my supervisor to let him know I was going to my mom's and I left him a message saying that I wanted to start coming in on a regular basis, Mondays and Fridays from noon to 4pm. Eventually I would like to be able to do Wednesdays as well, but I'm not needed as much on the other days because there is already a volunteer at the desk who speaks Spanish from 8am to 2pm in the middle of the week, Tuesday to Thursday. I've gone when the other woman has been there before and I don't have a lot to do. Sometimes there are a bunch of papers that have to be folded and put in envelopes, but not always. I prefer to just translate, but I'm willing to do whatever's needed for the most part. I can't really lift heavy things, so I'm limited in what I can do physically, but mentally I can do the stuff that a lot of other people can't do. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm pretty smart and think differently than other people, so I can think around things that stops other people. My boss said that he wanted me to try and think of a way to make the people in Family Medicine not have to wait in line. I hate waiting in line, so I can relate to people not wanting to.
I also think that helping volunteer on a set schedule is going to be good for me mentally. I've been scared to have something stable where someone depends on me, but I need to do that. I have to get used to people depending on me again for when I have to go back to work. I can't just dive back into work with no preparation anymore. Somehow, I feel that being on disability is different from being on unemployment. When I was on unemployment, I was still being depended on to look for a job and get it. I was going to interviews and getting out of the house. Now I don't have to leave the house if I don't want to. I do want to, so I am, but if I wanted I could just stay at home and only leave the house to say, take out the trash and get the mail. I don't want to live that life. I still want to be productive and have an impact on others even though I can't hold down a steady job because of my mental illnesses. It was hard to tell my boss I wanted to come in on a set schedule so I have people depending on me. It caused anxiety if you want to know the truth. But I have to do what's good for me, and getting out of the house and having responsibility is good for me.
Food was good today, and stress was moderate. I got 7 hours of sleep last night, so I've been pretty tired for most of the day. I guess that's why I didn't have as good of a day as yesterday. I did have Starbucks, so that left me unable to take a nap, which majorly sucked. I didn't know I was about to go home, I thought I was going to go practice driving and needed to be alert. Oh well, you live and learn. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go driving again, and so we will see how I do!
Today other than my stomach I've still been pretty good. I got to practice driving a bit on the back roads around my mom's house. I wouldn't say I'm doing as good as I was yesterday, but I'm still doing good. Driving was fun after I got over the initial nervousness of being behind the wheel. I was driving in a truck, which I've never done before, so it took a bit longer to get over the nervousness than it normally does in a car. I haven't driven in so long that I'm a bit rusty. I think the last time I was behind the wheel was a year and a half ago when Geo and I still had the car and I was trying to get my license. This was before the seizures started to really become a problem. At first I wasn't sure if I was having seizures or not, and then finally I realized that it was the only thing to explain my blackouts and even now I have trouble realizing when I have one.
I almost wish that I had some sort of other things to do in the day besides be on the computer and volunteer so I could know a bit better when I have a seizure. I'm looking forward to having a better schedule when I get home. I called my supervisor to let him know I was going to my mom's and I left him a message saying that I wanted to start coming in on a regular basis, Mondays and Fridays from noon to 4pm. Eventually I would like to be able to do Wednesdays as well, but I'm not needed as much on the other days because there is already a volunteer at the desk who speaks Spanish from 8am to 2pm in the middle of the week, Tuesday to Thursday. I've gone when the other woman has been there before and I don't have a lot to do. Sometimes there are a bunch of papers that have to be folded and put in envelopes, but not always. I prefer to just translate, but I'm willing to do whatever's needed for the most part. I can't really lift heavy things, so I'm limited in what I can do physically, but mentally I can do the stuff that a lot of other people can't do. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm pretty smart and think differently than other people, so I can think around things that stops other people. My boss said that he wanted me to try and think of a way to make the people in Family Medicine not have to wait in line. I hate waiting in line, so I can relate to people not wanting to.
I also think that helping volunteer on a set schedule is going to be good for me mentally. I've been scared to have something stable where someone depends on me, but I need to do that. I have to get used to people depending on me again for when I have to go back to work. I can't just dive back into work with no preparation anymore. Somehow, I feel that being on disability is different from being on unemployment. When I was on unemployment, I was still being depended on to look for a job and get it. I was going to interviews and getting out of the house. Now I don't have to leave the house if I don't want to. I do want to, so I am, but if I wanted I could just stay at home and only leave the house to say, take out the trash and get the mail. I don't want to live that life. I still want to be productive and have an impact on others even though I can't hold down a steady job because of my mental illnesses. It was hard to tell my boss I wanted to come in on a set schedule so I have people depending on me. It caused anxiety if you want to know the truth. But I have to do what's good for me, and getting out of the house and having responsibility is good for me.
Food was good today, and stress was moderate. I got 7 hours of sleep last night, so I've been pretty tired for most of the day. I guess that's why I didn't have as good of a day as yesterday. I did have Starbucks, so that left me unable to take a nap, which majorly sucked. I didn't know I was about to go home, I thought I was going to go practice driving and needed to be alert. Oh well, you live and learn. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go driving again, and so we will see how I do!
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