Still working my plan!
Today I am stronger than yesterday and tomorrow I will be stronger than today and so on and so on! I am not yet out of my "Hell of a living arrangment" but I am working my plan and well on my way to being free. I have stopped playing the victim and taken control of my world. I change the things I can and accept the things I can not (until I can) as the saying goes!
I have a new job that pays well and I am doing very well at it. I give it my all. I go in everyday feeling blessed to have a job. I know what it feels like not to!!
The "live in and his kids" are still here, because I can't get him to leave but they get nothing from me. They are a separate family just "squating" in my home. I would never be mean to a child so their needs are met but I send them to their father when they want the extra things in life so he can explain why they can't have them (cause he is too lazy to get off of his ass provide). I talk to the kids when he is not around, they understand I do what I can but I can't do it alone. They have been through too much in their young lives but I have no rights to save them from his poor parenting. I keep them safe and encourage them to do the right things but if they choose not to do their homework and he won't make them they know they will continue to fail and they will be the ones that get hurt. I'm not going to fight with him over it. They are his kids. I can't be help responsible for how they turn out when I have no rights to make them do the right things. I have my own two to keep on the right track and provide for. I have made it clear to his boys that their Dad and I will not be together soon and that it has nothing to do with them. I told them I love them but I can't care for them on my own and their Dad won't give them up so they have to go with him. I assurre them that between me and their grandmother, they will always be looked after but He has the rights to them, at least for now.
He has gotten better (too little too late for "us"). When I am done. I am done and I have been done. I try to keep peace while we wait it out so the kids don't have to live in conflict. Soon I will have enough money and my daughter, dog and I will move out and on. I keep my eye on the prize. He is pulling out all the stops not to loose his meal ticket. He waits on me hand and foot and tries to show me he has changed (that old roller coaster ride) sorry, done with the ride! Ran out of tickets and I am not buying anymore!
I am filled with hope and joy. I don't cry. I smile. I have a future and I know it. It feels good to be healthy again and working again and back on my way. I have been through so much this guy can't take me down, no way! If I have to sleep with my money and teller card shoved up my ass, I will! LOL He can't hurt me if I don't let him and I won't let him. I am in control of me and my world, no matter who lives with me . I won't allow myself to be used or taken again. I know the "living arrangement" is not forever. I survived a 20 yr marriage to a mean drunk, I can do a few more months with this guy with my eyes closed. No heart ache, because I am now in the best place: The land of indifference!! Won't waste the energy to even hate him, just don't care. I will win, he will loose, that is just the way it is!
I am still a good Christian girl so I pray for him and for his kids. I hope this will in some way help him to improve himself for himself and his kids but I really don't care I won't be around so he can do what he wants. Takes the stress off of me!
Still working my plan and it is working! Thanks be to God!!
I have a new job that pays well and I am doing very well at it. I give it my all. I go in everyday feeling blessed to have a job. I know what it feels like not to!!
The "live in and his kids" are still here, because I can't get him to leave but they get nothing from me. They are a separate family just "squating" in my home. I would never be mean to a child so their needs are met but I send them to their father when they want the extra things in life so he can explain why they can't have them (cause he is too lazy to get off of his ass provide). I talk to the kids when he is not around, they understand I do what I can but I can't do it alone. They have been through too much in their young lives but I have no rights to save them from his poor parenting. I keep them safe and encourage them to do the right things but if they choose not to do their homework and he won't make them they know they will continue to fail and they will be the ones that get hurt. I'm not going to fight with him over it. They are his kids. I can't be help responsible for how they turn out when I have no rights to make them do the right things. I have my own two to keep on the right track and provide for. I have made it clear to his boys that their Dad and I will not be together soon and that it has nothing to do with them. I told them I love them but I can't care for them on my own and their Dad won't give them up so they have to go with him. I assurre them that between me and their grandmother, they will always be looked after but He has the rights to them, at least for now.
He has gotten better (too little too late for "us"). When I am done. I am done and I have been done. I try to keep peace while we wait it out so the kids don't have to live in conflict. Soon I will have enough money and my daughter, dog and I will move out and on. I keep my eye on the prize. He is pulling out all the stops not to loose his meal ticket. He waits on me hand and foot and tries to show me he has changed (that old roller coaster ride) sorry, done with the ride! Ran out of tickets and I am not buying anymore!
I am filled with hope and joy. I don't cry. I smile. I have a future and I know it. It feels good to be healthy again and working again and back on my way. I have been through so much this guy can't take me down, no way! If I have to sleep with my money and teller card shoved up my ass, I will! LOL He can't hurt me if I don't let him and I won't let him. I am in control of me and my world, no matter who lives with me . I won't allow myself to be used or taken again. I know the "living arrangement" is not forever. I survived a 20 yr marriage to a mean drunk, I can do a few more months with this guy with my eyes closed. No heart ache, because I am now in the best place: The land of indifference!! Won't waste the energy to even hate him, just don't care. I will win, he will loose, that is just the way it is!
I am still a good Christian girl so I pray for him and for his kids. I hope this will in some way help him to improve himself for himself and his kids but I really don't care I won't be around so he can do what he wants. Takes the stress off of me!
Still working my plan and it is working! Thanks be to God!!
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