still venting
My boyfriend might not understand, and my friends might not understand, but i just can't let this go and move on like nothing happened. How could anyone expect a woman to forget something like childbirth its such a huge experience that changes your body and whole life. Let alone giving birth to an angel.
I know i should stop complaining but lately i can't stop thinking of her,and it is breaking my heart again. I tried to push it away like i always do with bad things. I went back to school and threw myself into it. Every night theres piles of work to do and i dont have time to do much else. But i also stopped really venting, or letting myself cry and i think it kind of built up and now that i'm realizing this is going to be the fifth month since i held my daughter its all coming out.
I'm going to try to talk to my boyfriend tonight and just tell him how i'm feeling even if hes not ready to go there. Its been a long time since i ever even tried to talk to him about her and if he doesn't want to talk he can walk away.
I know that this month is going to be soooo hard on the 17th. FIVE MONTHS. it seems impossible. after i came home from the hospital after having her i didnt think i'd make it to halloween. And here i am still going, and going and going.
Oook enough with the sadness... Life is going to go on and i should really just go with it. Ok heres my list of good things in my life i should be grateful for:
1) I have a wonderful loving man who would never hurt me purposefully.
2) I have scholarships and grants paying for school.
3) I'm going to graduate this year.
4) I don't have to work and i can focus solely on school.
That was freaking hard. Only four! wow i thought i'd put more than that. Why is it so easy to come up with a two page list of things i hate but a list of stuff i'm grateful for has only four things on it? Ok ladies, thank you for listening to my endless complaining lately, pray for me, i'm off to face the day and all the yuppie assholes who live in my city (portland, OR, yuppie capital of the world).
I know i should stop complaining but lately i can't stop thinking of her,and it is breaking my heart again. I tried to push it away like i always do with bad things. I went back to school and threw myself into it. Every night theres piles of work to do and i dont have time to do much else. But i also stopped really venting, or letting myself cry and i think it kind of built up and now that i'm realizing this is going to be the fifth month since i held my daughter its all coming out.
I'm going to try to talk to my boyfriend tonight and just tell him how i'm feeling even if hes not ready to go there. Its been a long time since i ever even tried to talk to him about her and if he doesn't want to talk he can walk away.
I know that this month is going to be soooo hard on the 17th. FIVE MONTHS. it seems impossible. after i came home from the hospital after having her i didnt think i'd make it to halloween. And here i am still going, and going and going.
Oook enough with the sadness... Life is going to go on and i should really just go with it. Ok heres my list of good things in my life i should be grateful for:
1) I have a wonderful loving man who would never hurt me purposefully.
2) I have scholarships and grants paying for school.
3) I'm going to graduate this year.
4) I don't have to work and i can focus solely on school.
That was freaking hard. Only four! wow i thought i'd put more than that. Why is it so easy to come up with a two page list of things i hate but a list of stuff i'm grateful for has only four things on it? Ok ladies, thank you for listening to my endless complaining lately, pray for me, i'm off to face the day and all the yuppie assholes who live in my city (portland, OR, yuppie capital of the world).
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