Still Unbelievable
I know I haven't written for awhile, it just seems like things are getting more difficult than better and I find it so confusing. A year ago tomorrow my husband and I were taking off for our much wanted first trip to Italy. It was supposed to be the first of others, now that our children were grown. To look at our suitcases and know that here 1 yr. later he is gone is just so unbelievable. I am trying hard to take day by day, but I just feel that all I am doing is putting on a brave face, while I am actually dying myself inside. I am ashamed to say that I cannot find happiness in being with my family, friends. I just feel miserable. When I do try to go out to a movie, play with friends all I see is him lying there at the cemetary, and myself out. I know that is what he would want, but I cannot process it in my mind. It is just so unfair. We worked so hard to get where we are and know I am alone. My house can be full with people, but I am alone. To know that I will never see, hear, or talk to him again is killing me. I know everyone says that it will get easier, but I feel like a huge part of me has died with Jim, and that will never change. So you can see I am totally confused, just going thru days like a zombie. I do want to thank all of you for your support, and I would also like to wish you all the best for a nice Easter. Thanks again, Alice
Replies
Alice my Dear Friend, I feel you pain. I wish I could take all the pain away that each of us still have.
You know it\'s been 16 months since Jesse died and I still have many day\'s like you do. I still continue to take one day at a time and still see no light at the end of this dark journey we must travel. I truly beleive that the pain will never go away, we just learn to live with it.
The day our loved ones died , a big part of us went with them and our lives will never be the same and that really hurts.
It\'s true what they say, you can be a room full of people and you still feel all alone.
It\'s a rough journey we are on. but my faith tells me we will survive this journey some how. I continue to pray for comfort and strength not only for me but for all of us still in so much pain.
BIg warm Hugs filled with love going your way....Stella
((((((((ALICE))))))))i think this entire grieving process changes everything about us..our language, our skill set, our idea of who we really are.
I am so grateful I have you to walk this road with me, my friend.
Alice,I know it sucks but what your feeling is normal.I feel better than I did and think I am handling things pretty well but I still miss Bruce and still feel very much alone.I am just trying to deal with those feelings.Bruce and I have a time share and took a few trips over the years and now feel like I will probably never go again and even if I do it wont be the same without Bruce.But I still want to try and enjoy life.It\'s just a different life and I\'m a different person.Maybe not as happy but a little stronger.Our lives will never be the same as they were.We just have to learn how to accept our new lives.I wish you find peace and comfort soon,Luv,Lori
Alice, I know how hard it is for you and just what you feel. Mom is here with us and going through all those same feelings you are. They were married for 52 years. She is still mad at him at times. She can talk very little about him without breaking down. Just give yourself some time. You are strong and I know that you will find some happiness in life again. Hang in there. Hugs
Alice, we all know what you are feeling and unfortunately it doesn\'t get better. Well, sometimes we push those feelings aside but they always rear up their ugly heads again. Our live will never be the same without our loved ones and there will always be little reminders everywhere that they are gone and we will never see them again. My thoughts and prayers are with you for all your comments mirror my own. Peace and love to you, Kate
Oh Alice, Im so sorry for your pain. I am starting to wonder if I will ever be normal. I wont talk to anyone unless they catch me at the right time. I have become the queen of just not thinking about it.
I know someday our hearts will be lighter but never the same. God could not give us the ability to love so much only to take it away forever. We will be together again. hugs and kisses.
Alice you have nothing to feel ashamed about, you are going through probably the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with and are doing your best to deal with it. You have lost your soul mate, I do understand the pain and sadness you feel xxx