Still Unbelievable

I know I haven't written for awhile, it just seems like things are getting more difficult than better and I find it so confusing. A year ago tomorrow my husband and I were taking off for our much wanted first trip to Italy. It was supposed to be the first of others, now that our children were grown. To look at our suitcases and know that here 1 yr. later he is gone is just so unbelievable. I am trying hard to take day by day, but I just feel that all I am doing is putting on a brave face, while I am actually dying myself inside. I am ashamed to say that I cannot find happiness in being with my family, friends. I just feel miserable. When I do try to go out to a movie, play with friends all I see is him lying there at the cemetary, and myself out. I know that is what he would want, but I cannot process it in my mind. It is just so unfair. We worked so hard to get where we are and know I am alone. My house can be full with people, but I am alone. To know that I will never see, hear, or talk to him again is killing me. I know everyone says that it will get easier, but I feel like a huge part of me has died with Jim, and that will never change. So you can see I am totally confused, just going thru days like a zombie. I do want to thank all of you for your support, and I would also like to wish you all the best for a nice Easter. Thanks again, Alice