Still stumbling along
I still miss him every day. It seems like it is one thing after another. I am sitting down at the end of every day and focusing on the positive things. So far this month: the good news, I finally have the $6000.00 for the roof, the pug is healing (see below). The bad news: I still haven't been able to sell the jeep. They have now stalled for over 4 months on getting all of the testing done to get my dad started on chemo. My beloved pitbull that I watched being born and have had fro 9 years flipped out and attacked my 21lb pug (he's 115 lbs) and then attacked me. I got one bad bite and apparently it damage a nerve because it has been 10 days and the tip of my finger still has no feeling in it. . Broke my heart to do it but I had him put down. The pug cost $200.00 at the vet, had to leave the wounds open for drainage but appears to be doing good now. My job cut us down to 72 hrs per pay period instead of our normal 5 days a week. Then Sunday night coyotes came into the yard ans wiped out my entire flock of chickens (14).
It's funny I have his pictures around the house, but rarely look at them. I close my eyes and I can, feel the soft silky hair on his chest, see his green eyes, see his sleepy face in the morning, hear his voice and smell that unique smell that was him. I live in fear, fear that one day I will close my eyes and no longer be able to remember him like that and fear that I will be forever haunted by such strong memories. I close my eyes and he right there. I have had a few men ask me out. I just look at them and think "You are competing with a ghost and you will never win".
At least the jeep is no longer at the house. i would come home every day and see it and my heart would kinda of leap at first then sink like a stone.
It's funny I have his pictures around the house, but rarely look at them. I close my eyes and I can, feel the soft silky hair on his chest, see his green eyes, see his sleepy face in the morning, hear his voice and smell that unique smell that was him. I live in fear, fear that one day I will close my eyes and no longer be able to remember him like that and fear that I will be forever haunted by such strong memories. I close my eyes and he right there. I have had a few men ask me out. I just look at them and think "You are competing with a ghost and you will never win".
At least the jeep is no longer at the house. i would come home every day and see it and my heart would kinda of leap at first then sink like a stone.
Replies
I AM SORRY THAT I WASN\'T HERE FOR YOU, FROM NOW ON I AM CHECKING DAILY, I PROMISE, FIRST OF ALL, SO SORRY ABOUT THE PIT , I KNOW THEY ARE GOOD AND LOVING FOR YEARS AND THEN SOMETHING JUST HAPPENS, SOMEONE HERE HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE, UNFORTUNATELY HE WAS OUT AT WORK AND THE PIT ,KILLED HIS AGED DOG, VERY SAD, BUT IT HAPPENS, WHY, NOBODY KNOWSE, I AM SURE THAT HE WAS LOVED AND CHERISHED, BUT YOU HAD NO CHOICE..FOR YOUR FINGER I PRAY THAT IT HEALS WELL AND YOU HAVE THE SENSATION BACK \'IN JESUS CHRIST\'\' NAME I PRAY, FOR YOUR HEALING, AND FOR PUG, POOR LITTLE ONE, HOPE HE IS NOT AFRAID ..
OF COURSE ITS TOO SOON TO THINK OF ........YOU NEED TIME TO HEAL, BUT IN TIME YOU HAVE TO LET GO, YOU SHARED SUCH LOVE, AND YOU HAVE SUCH WONDERFUL MEMORIES, I CANNOT SAY THE SAME, MY H WAS NOT LOVING, BUT THAT IS NOW IN THE PAST, I LIVE WITH A MAN WHO I DESPISE AND IN SEPARETE ROOMS, LIKE 2 STRANGERS,NO I AM NOT DIVORCING HIM, I WOULD LOSE THE HOUSE, HE IS FREE TO LEAVE WITH NOTHING, AT LEAST YOU HAVE KNOWN TRUE AND CARING LOVE, AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS, NOT THE TIME***LOVE AND HUGS [ HAVE TO CHECK MY SECURITY, APPARENTLY IT HAS STOPPED WORKING] LUCY****
Thanks Joy. Hugs to you. It is just life and eventually this too shall pass. (I just wish it would hurry up!)