still strugling

Been a long time since I;v been only, trying to plow through it, still struggling everyday.....
just found out this week that my wife did indeed have an affair. this killed me... the hurt is like an open wound with someone rubbing sea salt in it..... this explains the pregnancy test my daughter found in her car.... the thought of her having unprotected sex is killing my, I can't get it out of my head...
I'm driving myself crazy, I have my friends looking to find out who it is.. I just feel the need to know,
I'm in a divorce support group but it has yet to start cause all this stupid snow we have, plus another 20" on Saturday so I'm sure Mondays will be canceled also........
I sent her flowers today didn't sign my name, just wrote can't wait to see you again. want her to think it's from him, the only down fall is the kids are going to be like where did those come from??
the has de friended many of our couple friends, long time friends,  they asked me why, they know were getting divorced and they would never take sides, so I don't understand that at all either...
I don't understand any of this, it makes no since to me at all...... she ruined our lives....