Still sad, depressed and worried sick

Well, I know it has been a long time since I have written in my journal. I have just been here at home watching my husband deteriorate and praying for a miracle. Just to know what is going on with his body would be such a blessing. I mean I know he has a lot of diseases and the prognosis does not look good, but every week he goes to the doctor and they try something new. Last week they gave him Avelox, an antibiotic, because he has chills and low grade fever 4 to 5 days a week. He had one good day and has been worse than ever this whole weekend. He cries a lot because he is in so much pain in his legs and whole body and he cries because he doesn't want to die and leave me. He tells me he loves me about every 15 minutes and will stay up just to be with me, so now I just go in and lie with him while he goes to sleep. I have decided to call Mayo Clinic in the morning to see if they will see him. They have specialists for his Pulmonary Hypertention. The problem is we live 400 miles away and hotels are very expensive in Phoenix, so if they don't have accomodations there I will just sleep in his room or in my car for a few days. I just don't know what else to do. The doctors here in Kingman just have not been able to help him. The heart doc says his heart is okay, the lung doc says he is only in the moderate stage of PAH, and the kidney doc says he has 45% kidney function. They all seem to think he should still be okay, yet he has not had a decent day since the last hospital visit in December. The worst part is his brain seems to be fine (except for the depression) but he still worries about all of the things that need to be done around the house and is so used to doing everything himself. He won't take help from anybody but I told him yesterday he is going to have to learn to take help from people, he just can't do everything himself. I just think if he could get rid of the infection in his body or find out what is causing the chills and fever, maybe they could give him something to stop it and make him feel better.