Still Recovering

I left you guys last week Thursday waiting for my 3rd beta results to come back. After the bleeding and cramping on Monday as well as the slight increase in numbers, I think I knew all along what they were going to say but you can never truly prepare. My numbers had dropped to 3.8. Complete devistation....I really got no answers to my question either...was it a miscarrage? "not necessarily". What kind of answer is that! There not sure if it was that or a chemical pregnancy. Well you need to be sure. I need to know!  I want to know that I can at least get to that point.I guess in the end, all that matters is that I experiences the high of getting a BFP and now and I am experiencing the low of no longer being pregnant. Needless to say, I didn't go into work on Friday and I didn't really leave the house the entire weekend.  I did however have to go get fitted for a bridesmaids dress for my brother's wedding. I mentioned the the gal what we were going through and that I may consider a bigger size just to be safe (wedding isn't untl May).  She, with the help of my dear sister in law to be, insisted that I try on a bigger size with you guessed it....a fake baby bump. I was humiliated. I started balling and would not leave the dressing room. The other girls knew what I had gone through and I was not about to walk out there with a dress on looking like I was 7 months pregnant. It was just the icing on the cake. I spent the rest of the weekend sulking and crying at the drop of a hat. Now I am back at work and everyone is avoiding me like the plague because they have no idea what to say. 
I have a follow up with my RE tomorrow to talk about where to go from here. That is the question that I ponder everyday. What are we going to do from here? Do we really want to pay all that money again and start from scratch?  Thinking about it just gives me anxiety! We will see what he has to say I guess.  Regardless, October is a wash and I am looking forward to feeling normal for a bit. My DH and I, with the pressure from our parents and friends, will be taking a group trip to Mexico the last week of October. Not like we can really spend the money but we haven't been on a vactation in 3 years and we deserve it. We deserve to be away from work, we deserve to spend time with friends, we deserve to laugh and we deserve to think about nothing but what time to get up and get to the pool and what drink to have!!
Whatever comes next, we will take it head on and run with it:)