Still realing

It's been just over a year, and nothing has changed...  I'm at a loss...  It feels like I've tried everything with no success.  She's still gone.  I'm so upset I keep forgetting to eat, which isn't good because I have a serious blood sugar condition and delaying a meal could make me pass out and die.  This could literally kill me.  I just want to know why.  Why was she so compelled to to this her mother's life didn't matter?  Her own mother!