Still questtioning life
Here i sit YET AGAIN questioning why in the hell god or whoever/whatever hates me out there must continue to throw garbage upon my life as if im the fucking dumpster.....Im begenning to hate life and myself once again, Cant stop listening to sad music and cant stop feeling the massive urge to just cry all day long. I dont think that my wife has an interest in me anymore and that is tearing my very soul aprt in ways that you couldnt even imagine. I believe/believed that she is/was my soul mate and yet she still continues to beat on me mentally weather she realizes it or not. Day by day im starting to believe more and more that i should just pick up and move on....to where i have NO IDEA, I still believe that she loves another and cannot shake the feeling of believeing this. But a great man once said " What it is is what it is " And that is what i feel i have to treat this situation like weather it literally kills me or not. I cannot bring myself to question her about all of this or even share my feelings with her on this because if i hear yes that she has been with someone it WILL literally kill me, I will most likely have a heart attack and allow myself to die from it. Ive heard that love is the meaning of life...well if i dont have love i have no life, So someone might as well just take me out back and old yeller my ass. I love Nikki in a way that cant even be described in words. I love her unconditionally as i have proven in the past many times before. Now as i sit here starving and feel no need to eat im watching a tribute to a great wrestler that died a few months back and it usually makes me ball my eyes out but now it has no effect on me which tells me that my depression is scaling to an all time high because of my situation at home and the situation is blocking out my feelings for anything else in life. WHAT THE FUCK GOD!!!!!! I GET THE FUCKING POINT!!!!!! YOU HATE ME AND EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!
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*hugs* I\'m here if you think talking will help...
Thinking of you
Thx death that would be awesome but i never see you online on meebo......
HAHA guess i never will seeing as how meebo has been taken away from us now.
Dearest Sean,
I pray you will let the bitterness go. Ask God to help you with that. Be humble and ask (not necessarily pray) but ask God to take all this away. Ask him to take the pain, give you peace, love and clarity in your life and he will. Ask him to show you a glimpse into what he wants for you and he will. He is not the enemy that is taking advantage of your bad situation. Hate brings on hate as love brings on love. Only Love can drive out the hate as only light can drive out the darkness. You have darkness in your life that is being fed by more darkness. Ask for light, ask for love (the complete opposite of what you\'re enduring) and it will be yours. Go to the source of love. God is love. He will give you all you seek in all it\'s simplicity. You cannot get it on your own as you are already as host to something that is attacking your life. Arrogance that you can get out of it on your own will not help you. Put your ego aside and ask for help. Harm it cannot do.
In Jesus name I pray.
Sending you much love.